


Every Little Thing

by embracedthevoid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn Dan Howell/Phil Lester, YouTuber Dan Howell, YouTuber Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-09-16 14:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embracedthevoid/pseuds/embracedthevoid
Summary: Dan doesn’t believe in soulmates, or at least that’s what he tells himself when he looks down at the numbers on his arm. He just can’t believe in system that dictates the direction of his life before he even has a say in the matter. The timer on Dan’s arm counts down to the second that Dan will meet his soulmate, and despite his utter reluctance and dread for the moment to come, he almost finds himself happy it does. He might not have imagined it would happen the way it does, but he just can’t help but feel something for the mysterious man named Philip Lester. And that’s a major problem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear lord, making this has been a process and I have loved every bit of it. I owe my life to imnotinclinedtomaturity because her patience with me throughout this process has been amazing, so check out her stuff. 
> 
> Anyways! Hope you enjoy!

For as long as he can remember, Dan has actively spent his life pretending the small numbers counting down on his arm weren’t there. Despite every sign that told him the opposite, he refuses to believe they are relevant to his life in any way.

This, of course, makes his attitude toward the whole “destined to have a soulmate” thing very difficult, especially as he’s gotten older. Maybe it’s the reason he didn’t have many friends growing up, maybe it’s the reason he choose to do youtube, It’s a place where he can meet people without actually meeting them. His mother had told him that everyone got discouraged at some point, but it isn’t discouragement that makes Dan’s skin crawl whenever he thinks about finding his soulmate. It’s idea that he would have to spend the rest if his life with someone completely foreign to him. He hates living in a world where the numbers on his arm dictate the direction his life is supposed to go.

For some people it’s easier. They have the luxury of their timers hitting zero the moment they step foot on the playground, or the minute they brush arms on the first day of school. In some cases, when people are born, their number starts at zero. It’s rare, but it does happen. Most people look at them with pity but Dan has always envied them; sure they are destined to be alone, but at least they are free. They don’t have to experience the dread of a countdown to the moment where their life will change forever. Free to choose their own path and free to find others like themselves. They get to simply live.

Of course, these are the misgiving thoughts that Dan has never admitted to anyone, especially his mother. Who, despite Dan’s being moved out for seven years, still calls him on a regular basis to ask if he’d met his special lady yet, despite knowing full well the exact numbers on his arm. Hell, she had them memorized the minute he was born.

That is another thing that terrifies Dan — having to tell his parents that his special _lady_ might end up being a special _man_.

Naturally, Dan had asked his mother and father about what would happen if his timer matched with a boy, and they’d hesitantly responded saying that soulmates can also just be friends as well. Dan had felt their worried glances deep in his gut, he felt wrong for even asking if it was a possibility. Even thinking about it made him feel as if he’d disappointed them somehow. After that day the subject was never brought up again. Dan’s parents came into the habit of attaching only feminine pronouns to the word soulmate wherever and whenever possible.

Dan’s mother constantly pesters him, she always hopefully asks if the number on his skin had changed. They do that sometimes – change. Depending on the direction the numbers go is the universe telling you are or aren’t _ready_. It’s all based on some bullshit system the universe made up. At least that’s what he was taught in primary school. It could happen at any moment. If you decided to turn left rather than right or get the salad rather than a burger. Apparently everything, living or not, has its own influence.

Dans number had changed once, but he never told his mother about _the_ _incident_ as he likes to call it.

 

~~~

 

Dan had been walking toward his favourite coffee shop when he’d gotten a call from his best friend, Anne. She was in a frenzy because she had to be at a last minute meeting and she desperately needed him to come babysit Macy.

Just as he’d been about to agree, Dan had felt a sting in his forearm. When he’d looked down, the **2880h 23m 43s** he’d been used to seeing counting down on his arm had changed to **00h 00m 10s**. Dan had felt his heart drop to the pavement. He quickly yelped out an excuse as to why he couldn’t help. His mouth went dry with nerves as Anne let out a sigh and said she’d understood.

The universe seemed to think Dan was ready. He did not.

After quickly hanging up, Dan welcomed the sting below his skin as the numbers began to climb back to their original number.

 

~~~~

 

 _The incident_ was three months ago, and since then, his timer has continued going down at a steady rate, not dramatically jumping down in the slightest. Nor did it jump up, as Dan sometimes wishes it would. Especially now that the hours are so low. He’s supposed to meet his soulmate in less than a week. Every time he glances at his wrist and registers just how much time he _doesn’t_ have, anxiety consumes him, barely letting him leave his own bed.

Despite the panic he had felt that day, Dan has always wonders what the person on the other end had felt. Surely if Dan’s skin had burned, his soulmate’s would have, too. When they saw the number jump from three months to ten seconds, had they felt the need to hide like Dan? Or had their heart leapt with excitement?

Not that Dan should care, of course. Despite what his parents, aunts and uncles, and school teachers told him, it’s not like Dan owes this person anything. He doesn’t know them, he doesn’t belong to them. _Not yet_.

Still, ever since that day, a nagging guilt finds its way in the back of Dan’s mind; by avoiding the inevitable, he is affecting someone else's life, not just his own. What if whoever is his soulmate isn’t a terrible person? What if they’re innocently trying to live their life and meet the person who is supposed to love them unconditionally?

Whenever the guilt seeps in, Dan deflects it by assuming that whoever is supposed to make him “feel whole” is probably a garbage human. Because in all honesty, Dan doesn’t think he really deserves someone with a kind heart. It’s not like he’d ever done anything to deserve it. The people in his life who’ve found their soulmates are people who have spent the majority of their lives changing the world in one way other another. What has he done? What’s a single thing Dan has ever done to make the world a better place. All he’s done is feel bad for himself when he has no right to.

Dan tries not to fall into another self-induced spiral as he opens the door to the coffee shop below his apartment. That is the whole point of this little coffee run anyways. He had spent an entire two days locked up in his apartment with no human contact other than the chinese take out guy. At this rate, a restaurant delivery driver is bound to be his soulmate. So coffee. That’s what Dan is focusing on. It’s something small but it gets Dan out of the house. Right now, that’s enough.

On the days when Dan is feeling particularly lonely, he imagines meeting his soulmate. He imagines that it is someone completely out of reach and impossible, that way he doesn’t have to worry. Usually he picks someone famous he fancies. Most of the time, he imagines Phil Lester, otherwise known as AmazingPhil. Dan had spent the majority of his late teen years and early twenties fantasizing about the boy named Phil who’d inspired Dan – Phil was the reason Dan started his own youtube channel.

Dan had _almost_ met Phil multiple times. They’d been at the same conventions and events that YouTube was holding countless times over the years, but for one reason or another, Dan never got the chance to meet the man he’d been crushing on for the majority of his life. Besides, Dan was less known in the youtube community, so it was hardly likely Phil knew who Dan was. It was probably for the best that he’d never met Phil. He’d probably think Dan was a crazy fanboy. which in hindsight he definitely is.

As he waits in line at the coffee shop below his apartment, AmazingPhil is the subject of his current daydream. This is something he has found himself doing a lot lately—whenever he has a quiet moment to think, he’s wrapped up in some story he’s made up where his and Phils timer hit zero together. Dan’s mind drifts to what it’d be like to meet Phil in — he glances down to the numbers on his arm — 336 hours and 7 minutes. Maybe Phil _would_ recognize him, maybe Phil would be happy that _Dan_ of all people was his soulmate.

Usually he’s pulled from these thoughts by a loud noise or someone trying to get his attention, but this time it’s different. The coffee shop is rather quiet and there aren’t not many distractions to pull his mind back to the present. This time, it’s the vaguely familiar burn beneath his skin that brings his attention back to reality. Dan immediately feels his stomach sink. He snaps his head down to check his numbers.

 **00h 00m 03s**.

Dan’s chest tightens, he instinctively bolts toward the exit, suddenly feeling like he’s not getting enough air in his lungs. Ripping open the door, he feels his body slam into something solid, knocking him back as he struggles to stay on his feet. He ultimately bumps into a girl behind him, who grabs his arm in an attempt to keep them both from falling over. In the chaos, the majority of the girl’s drink lands on Dan’s jacket.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” She hastily asks, as if it were her fault. She attempts to dry the spilled coffee from her red hair and wipe away a stain on her shirt.

“Mmm, fine.” Dan mumbles, turning his back on her.

Shaking away at the spill on his jacket, Dan feels burning under his skin again. It quickly turns into a warm pulse as Dan watches the numbers on his wrist change. The digits he’d gotten so used to seeing fade into his skin and a name replacing them.

 **Philip Lester**.

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

If Dan didn’t know what it was like to have his heart stop before, he does now. Dan’s stomach swirls and his throat closes. Dan feels bile rise in his throat as a wave of nausea boils in his stomach. His gaze slowly raises to find the person he’d never _really_ thought he’d meet.

An array of colours greet Dan when he looks into Phil’s eyes. The blue hues stick out against the rest of the colors now that he’s seeing them without the barrier of a computer screen . Dan can feel his cheeks turn a slight shade of pink as he avoids looking at Phil, his eyes wandering anywhere but the man in front of him.

“Daniel Howell, I presume?” Phil says, his voice slightly hoarse as he glances down at the bold letters on his own wrist, showing them to Dan.

Seeing his name written on someone’s arm tugs at Dan’s heart in a way that isn’t completely terrible. For a second his stomach swirls with excitement, but the unfamiliar sensation is replaced with confusion. This isn’t something to feel even _slightly_ pleased about. Soulmates are for people who are idiotic enough to fall for the trick society has been told to believe. They believe the only way to feel happy and fulfilled is to dedicate your life to someone you don’t even know.

“Shit,” Dan curses, a panicked edge to his voice. He says it loud enough that it catches the attention of a mother who pulls her son closer to her side. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud — _excuse him_ for not having a filter when meeting the person who’s supposed to be _the one_.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Phil laughs nervously. His hands fidget at his sides looking quizzically at Dan. He’s more shy in person. He’s still the all-smiles Phil from his videos, but different, gentle even.

Dan tries to ignore how smooth Phil’s voice sounds in person, rather than over the shitty speakers of his phone or computer. Dan tries to ignore Phil’s jet black hair, which only intensifies the swirl of colours in his eyes. Dan pretends not to notice Phil’s broad shoulders, and Dan _definitely_ doesn’t notice how Phil is only slightly shy of being the same height as him. Something that rarely happens given the genetics that caused Dan to have about ten growth spurts.

“I have to go,” Dan spits out hurriedly. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he quickly brushes past the man he’d only moments ago been daydreaming about. Unfortunately, in his hasty attempt to exit the coffee shop, Dan’s shoulder collides with Phil’s and causes a jolt of electricity to shoot through his elbow and straight down to his fingertips.

Dan had always been told that the first time soulmates touch it is electric, but _damn,_ he didn’t think people were being literal. An imprint of Phil’s shoulder burns through Dan’s jacket and it’s almost enough to make Dan stay. What would it be like if they touched flesh to flesh, lips on— no he can’t think like that. This is everything Dan is against in this stupid world.

“Wait!” Phil desperately calls after him.

Dan quickly shoves through the doors of Starbucks and begins to make his way down the street, his mind racing. This isn’t actually happening, is it? It’s completely ridiculous. Dan can hear the door leading into shop slam shut behind him and he hears Phil shout in his direction.

“Dan! Dan, wait!” Phil calls again.

Dan feels slightly guilty for bolting, but not guilty enough to turn around. When he peeks over his shoulder, he notices a young girl who looks about half his age bouncing with excitement in front of Phil. She’s asking for a photo and despite his desperate look in Dan’s direction, Phil smiles for the picture. Of course he would. Dan has seen all of Phil’s videos and stalked his social media enough to know that he’d never say no to one of his fans. Even if it was in a situation where his soulmate was literally running away from him.

Dan rounds the corner, now completely out of Phil’s sight, and stops to catch his breath. How pathetic is it that two minutes of fast walking has him leaning against the wall like he’d run a marathon?

Dan closes his eyes and lets his head rest on the cement wall behind him. He takes a deep breath and pulls his sleeve up to expose his pale flesh. Keeping his eyes scrunched shut, he tips his head down, hoping that when he opens his eyes, the numbers on his wrist will be counting down again, hoping that what just happened didn’t actually happen.

Dan takes a steeling breath and forces himself to open his eyes again. There aren’t numbers on his arm. Instead, Dan reads the name **Philip Lester**. He squeezes his eyes shut and opens them once more, hoping this time they’ll be gone. He’s disappointed of course. They’re still there.

Dan rubs against the slightly elevated letters with his thumb—a stupid attempt to clear them away, it obviously doesn’t work. Dan’s shoulders drop as he leans further against the damp brick behind him. With a frustrated sigh, Dan watches his breath swirl in the cool air and eventually dissipate.

“Shit,” He mutters, defeated. He pushes off the wall and continues walking away from his flat. He can’t exactly walk back, can he? Phil might be waiting for him. So instead, he walks aimless around the city. Occasionally wandering through the shops not looking for anything in particular.

Eventually, Dan wanders back to his street; it had only taken four hours of contemplating whether or not he had waited long enough to do so. The sun was beginning to set, and he was getting hungry. He had thought about stopping to get food, but there is half a leftover pizza waiting in his fridge and, in all honesty, he is craving exactly that. Besides, he has to go home sooner or later.

Once he reaches the coffee shop under his apartment, Dan pulls his hood over his head and creeps past the wall of windows with his head down. He peers in out of the corner of his eye and is startled to see a familiar man with jet black hair sitting at one of the tables. There are three mugs surrounding him, though he doesn’t seem to be sitting with anyone.

Dan feels his heart sink and stomach flip as he bites his lip trying to make sense of the scene in front of him. Had Phil waited four hours and twenty minutes after Dan had run away from him hoping that he would come back?

No, that’s stupid. Why would Phil waste his time waiting for someone who he doesn’t even know?

Dan shakes away the guilt that only intensifies as he looks at Phil sitting alone in the coffee shop. Just as Dan’s about to walk away, Phil glances in his direction. Phil sits up a little straighter when their eyes lock. Dan feels his cheeks go pink. He probably looks pathetic, standing outside in the cold while droplets of water begin to patter on the ground around him. Dan catches a glance at Phil’s disappointment as he looks away and continues past the shop and rounds the corner to the doors of his flat. Dan ignores the shameful feeling that grows in his stomach, thriving on his cowardice.

Dan climbs the stairs leading to his place, head hung low as he wishes he could disappear. Once inside, he sinks deep into the cushions of his sofa and flips open his computer, trying his hardest to avoid typing AmazingPhil into every social media platform that he uses. He manages at first, distracting himself by reading a wikipedia article on Podesta Baldocchi, one of the oldest operating florists in San Francisco.

Naturally, he caves after just an hour or so and ends up on Phil's first ever youtube video, which despite his horrid mood, still makes Dan smile. As it always does. Phil’s thick northern accent never fails to make Dan swoon. It brings him back to 2007 when Dan had first discovered Phil’s channel. To this day, Dan still feels the giddy sensation that he had felt when the cute boy with emo hair had made his way onto Dan’s computer for the first time. This of course, only causes Dan to spiral further. He keeps on clicking and clicking until he’s exhausted every form of Phil’s social media. Dan is in so deep that he’s scrolled back to three months ago when Phil’d gone through a spree of liking slime videos on twitter.

Dan groans, running his fingers through his hair, frustrated with everything that had happened to him in the last twelve hours. He was perfectly content not knowing who his soulmate was and being alone. Sure, at times he’d wished more than anything for someone to share his life with, but why did everything have to be so damn complicated?

It’s frustration, not guilt, that haunts Dan now. Why does he have to be alone, all he wants is to scream or yell and vent his frustrations to the world. It’s funny, Dan finds himself wanting someone to talk to in a moment he’s actively avoiding the person he’s supposed to be able to tell anything too. But why would anyone want to listen? No one cares. People only care about themselves. They only care about their own stupid soulmates and their own stupid families. Sure he has Anne, but he doesn’t want to burden her with his bullshit.

A notification appears on the tab labeled Twitter, switching Dan’s attention to from all the things currently going wrong in his life and back to his computer. It’s probably just a mention from Anne tagging him in a meme, or another youtuber trying to get his attention in attempt to plan a colab. Something that seemed to happen a lot now that he was verified. People trying to expand their audiences.

To Dan’s surprise, it was a follower notification. To even _more_ of a surprise, it seemed that the person who had followed him was none other than @AmazingPhil. _Shit._ Phil must have searched Dan’s name, which was now permanently tattooed on his wrist, and found out who exactly Dan is.

Dan quickly scrolls through his Twitter feed, looking at any recent tweets that could pose as an embarrassment. He scolds himself for openly tweeting about his love for Phil at least once a month. Not to mention the few drunken tweets that weren’t exactly tasteful. Though Dan didn’t see the point in taking them down — once something’s on the internet, it’s there forever. Besides, how the hell was he supposed to know that he’d ever meet the guy, let alone have him as a soulmate?

It only takes twenty minutes for Dan’s mentions to be exploding with his followers commenting on the new development. It’s an ongoing joke with his audience about how much Dan loves Phil’s channel. Of course, Dan plays his obsession off like it isn’t anything too serious, but in reality it’s true, and a few of his followers probably know that too.

Dan scans through his notifications both chuckling and cringing at his mentions, as Phil had probably seen a few at this point.

@wanderinghowell: **@danielhowell** **@amazingphil** started following you, do I sense a bromance blossoming?

@lestermeup: **@danielhowell** your dreams have finally come true!!! Senpai has followed you!!!!!

Of course his audience, as crazy as they are, would notice something like this. As much as he loves them, the speed in which they are able to notice new developments in his life is quite alarming. Dan closes his laptop feeling rather defeated. He really doesn’t mind being a public figure, but it is times like this where he truly wishes he could be invisible and sink into the white noise that is society.

Dan’s eyes flicker to the time on his computer, and he’s shocked to find that it reads 1:09am. Had he really spent the entire night stalking Phil online? He’d done it numerous times before. Maybe this time it surprises him because he wants nothing more than to forget everything that’s happened today, yet he can’t seem to click away from that very person. No matter how hard he tries to distract himself, he always lands on Phil. Somehow, despite Phil being the reason he feels like mess, he’s still the person that makes Dan feel better. Dan drags himself to his bedroom, hoping that everything will be much more clear in the morning.

 

****

 

Philip Lester loves the idea of soulmates. The concept of having someone who would love you, whether it’s platonically or romantically, for the rest of your life seems like a dream. Something that only happens in fairy tales. Phil always struggles to believe it will happen to him one day. All his life, having his very own soulmate has seemed too good to be true.

And one day it _was_.

 

~~~~

 

Phil had been out with his friend, Pj, attempting to look for a gift they deemed worthy for a mutual friend’s birthday, but they couldn’t seem to find anything fitting. Discouraged, he and Pj had decided to stop for some coffee and take a break from the endless wandering through shops. They decided on a cute little shop they went to on occasion, as it was only across the street. As they waited for the light to signal that they could cross the road, Phil began to feel a painful burn under his skin where his timer was. He pulled up his sleeve to reveal a number drastically lower than the nearly 3000 hours he was used to seeing.

“Uh, Peej.” Phil stuttered holding his sleeve up to show his friend, who was looking in the wrong direction. Phil’s heart started to hammer in the best way possible. This was it. In ten seconds, he was going to meet the person who he would click with immediately. The person who presumably shared the same interests as him, and who he would be able to stay up all night with, and be able to be with in comfortable silence or heated debates with. Or at least that’s what Pj always described knowing your soulmate was like. Just as Phil was about to tap on his friend’s shoulder, Phil felt his skin begin to burn once more and the numbers began to climb back up. 

“Actually I’m not really feeling coffee, let’s get tea instead,” Pj blurted out.

Without warning Pj changed directions, forcing Phil to follow and hide the disappointed look itching its way to the surface. Luckily, Phil’s good at putting on a show, thanks to his channel, so he was able to avoid any worried looks or questions from Pj.

 

~~~~~

 

It is in the same coffee shop, which he finds to be an odd coincidence, that Phil does meet his soulmate. He usually doesn’t come to this one, as it’s normally a little out of his way, but he was en route for a meeting at the BBC when he got a craving for coffee and decided to stop in. The last thing he expects is to feel that familiar burn beneath the skin. For a moment, he is afraid he’d find his number climbing once more, but he is relieved and excited to find that it reads three seconds. He is pushing open the coffee shop door, about to look up from his arm to inspect those around him when something solid slams into him. Thankfully, he has his feet planted solid on the ground and manages not to fall, which is not usually the case in these situations. 

The numbers on his arm begin to sink deep into his skin and are replaced by a name.

 **Daniel Howell**.

Phil’s skin begins to pulse as he looks up to meet a curly haired man with deep brown eyes, so dark they almost blend into the pupil. Phil instinctively smiles so wide he probably looks like an idiot. _So this is what it’s like_. Phil’s hand twitches at his side desperate to reach out and touch the pale skin of the man in front of him; it looks so soft. Phil stops himself of course, he doesn’t want to get arrested for harassment the first time he meets the man of his dreams.

“Shit” the man says, his eyes wide with terror.

Phil’s eyebrows jump up in surprise. Well _that’s_ unexpected. It occurs to Phil a moment to late that the expression on _Daniel’s_ face doesn’t match his own happy joy — no, Dan looks… petrified.

The entire experience is the exact opposite of what Phil had been expecting when he’d imagined meeting his soulmate. From the stories his mother and friends have told him, it is supposed to be a beautiful experience that could take a person's breath away.

Don’t get Phil wrong, meeting his soulmate definitely is taking Phil’s breath away; the whole _colliding in the middle of a coffee shop thing_ is making sure of that.

Phil would be lying if he said the experience is terrible. It is the opposite really, just unexpected. Phil feels his body getting lighter the longer he looks at this _Daniel_ person; despite his distraught state, he is rather adorable. His hair is just long enough for his curls to turn in every which direction, and the rosey patch on his cheek makes Phil’s heart melt.

Phil is so caught up taking in that charming detail that he almost doesn’t hear Daniel say he has to go as he attempts to step around Phil. When they brush shoulders, Phil feels a spark rush through him that snaps him out of his daze. Without a second thought, he turns to chase Dan out of the shop, even shouting his name, hoping that will be enough to make the beautiful man turn around and march right back to Phil. This fails to be the case, as Phil continues to chase the man down the pavement like a lunatic.

If Phil hadn’t been stopped by one of his subscribers he might have actually caught up to him. Phil, however, can’t find it in himself to leave the innocent girl who had so politely asked him for a photo in the dust.

Phil huffs a defeated breath and turns back to the coffee shop.

Phil feels like an idiot sitting alone for four hours ordering caramel macchiato after caramel macchiato in hopes that this _Daniel_ comes back. But, the longer Phil sits sipping his drink, the more antsy with anticipation he becomes.

Phil whips out his phone and searches the name Daniel Howell – what did people do before the internet existed? – when the search is loaded he’s shocked to find a link to a youtube channel. Phil clicks on the link which shows Dan’s channel to have nearly two million followers.

Who exactly is this _Daniel Howell_?

A string of his most recent videos pop on Dan’s youtube page. It takes a second for Phil to put two and two together and realize that Dan is also a youtuber.

Well, isn’t that fitting?

Phil spends the better part of four hours watching video after video on Dan’s youtube channel. They aren’t necessarily Phils usual cup of tea, as he prefers light hearted stuff over the dark humour Dan seems particularly fond of. They’re still quite entertaining nonetheless. Phil finds himself laughing out loud, only to get strange looks from those around him.

After a while of watching, Phil subscribes to Dan’s channel then switches to twitter and begins creeping through his tweets, surprised to find his own name mentioned — but not tagged — multiple times. The third one that Phil reads makes his heart stop.

**March 21st 2017 - @danielhowell: phil lesters new haircut gives me life, like if you agree [picture]**

The attached photo is a fairly recent one of Phil’s, which he had posted to instagram showcasing his new quiff that replaced the emo look he had been rocking for longer than socially acceptable.

This Tweet is quickly followed with many more.

**Feb 3rd 2017 - @danielhowell: anyone want to explain to me how an amazing human like phil lester is allowed to live on this earth and not be cherished and appreciated for everything he does. k thanks.**

Phil feels his cheeks go pink as he reads the words on his screen, feeling slightly overwhelmed. He _never_ thought his soulmate would know this much about him — or even who he was — before he got to know them. Of course he knew it was a possible since, as a youtuber he _is_ a public figure. But Phil’s stomach flips wondering what exactly Dan knows about him, or rather what Dan’s read about him. Sure, Phil has never done anything to technically warrant any scrutiny from the public eye. Aside from the dark corners of the internet which he tries to avoid but against his better judgment wanders across on occasion. Sure it’s small portions of people on twitter and tumblr that ridicule him, but they can be rather loud. People are always quick to define who Phil is and what he’s like without actually know him, which is the _last_ thing Phil would want Dan to see.

Phil continues scrolling, and this is definitely _not_ the first time Dan has tweeted gushing about Phil, and his entire face flushes. He notices one in particular that would definitely _not_ be described as “family friendly”. Phil sinks into his chair when his eyes glance over the words “smack me daddy” and “backwards over a table” are on the screen in front of him. Phil flushes a hot shade of red and not necessarily out of embarrassment, because he finds it rather adorable. It’s becoming very apparent that Phil’s soulmate _might_ already be a fan of his.

It’s then that Phil looks up and out of the window to see Dan staring directly at him. His heart leaps, and excitement starts boiling beneath his skin. He tries to disguise the desperation in his eyes with a small smile, attempting not to seem too eager because it seemed to scare this mysterious boy the first time around.

Dan pulls his black hoodie further over his head, as if attempting to sink into the world behind him, and continues past the door and past Phil.

Phil doesn’t stay much longer after that. There’s no point. Dan clearly doesn’t want to see him. If Dan _did_ want to, he would have come in. Dan had the chance but had chosen to keep walking anyway.

Feeling rather defeated and disappointed, Phil wants nothing more than to wallow in his own home with popcorn and a fluffy blanket. It takes him twenty minutes to walk back to his apartment, and he spends the majority of the time wondering how what was supposed to be the most magical moment of his life had turned into a complete disaster.

Once home, Phil sits at his desk and continues to watch Dan’s videos. It’s not particularly unusual for Phil to stay up until twelve in the morning, but Phil feels a great deal more exhausted than usual tonight. Probably due to the rather emotional events of the day. He decides to take one last look at Dan’s twitter, secretly hoping to find a new tweet lending itself to some sort of insight on Dan’s side of what happened today. He’s not surprised to find nothing of the sort, though. In fact, Dan’s been completely silent on all of his social media today. It’s unusual considering it looks like he tweets at least once a day and likes a couple of his fans tweets here and there, and yet today _nothing_. Trying not to overthink it, Phil hits the follow button on Dan’s profile and turns his phone to silent.

Phil rolls over to plug his phone into its charger and pulls the covers over his body. Despite the warmth that his bed provides, Phil can’t seem to keep his eyes shut. Sighing and rolling over once more, Phil’s eyes inevitably wander down to his wrist. Daniel Howell is now permanently tattooed on his skin, and despite this person being a complete stranger to him, Phil _likes_ the way it looks.

Phil always knew he would love seeing a name on his skin rather than the ominous numbers that slowly ticked away. The numbers had always been slightly unsettling. It was like knowing your future but not all of it, only a sliver of what could happen-- or _when_ it would happen. But seeing the dark letters against his skin comforts Phil. Finally knowing who was on the other end of his timer all this time. Knowing that all those nights he felt so alone, there _was_ someone else on the other side with him. Sure things didn’t go as planned but Phil knows it will work out.

 _It has too_.

Phil’s fingers trace the name as he relives the moment in his mind, his chest bubbling with excitement as he remembers their eyes connecting for the first time. Phil never thought he was much of a sap, but it turns out he really is. As Phil thumbs over the name, it hits him: he was planning on filming a video tomorrow.

He’ll have to wear a long sleeved jumper.

 

*********

 

Dan has spent the last week stressed beyond belief. Between filming his next video and avoiding the _soulmate_ situation, Dan has managed procrastinate more than usual. Which was saying something. He’s managed to avoid all social media as best as he can, which has usually just ended up with him giving in and endlessly scrolling through reddit or tumblr. He’s avoided youtube at all costs, which may be slightly affecting his career, but whatever. Deep down, he knows that he will eventually end up on Phil’s channel, rewatching all his videos for about the millionth time.

This loop of procrastination and stress leads to Dan leaving his apartment precisely once during the whole week; even then, it was only because he needed milk for his cereal.

It just so happens that Anne knocks on his front door just as he’s putting his shoes on to brave the world for some damn milk. Turns out – after three days of not hearing from Dan – it’s worrying, and she come to see if he is still alive.

Anne does this on occasion; she and Dan have known each other since Dan first moved to London. They met before Dan’s channel had taken off and he was working as a server. Anne worked at the restaurant Dan lasted all of three days at – due to Dans unbelievable clumsiness – and they’ve kept talking ever since. Mostly thanks to Anne. She seems to be everyone's best friend the moment she meets them.

This time she’s come to drag Dan out of his apartment and into the sunlight. Not that London has any to offer.

Dan makes an irritated show of finishing to put on his shoes – Anne’s laugh tells him she’s not taking him seriously so Dan follows her out the door.

“For the record, I’m not going out with you just because you showed up unannounced, I was already going to get milk,” Dan says grumpily, partially joking, but also wanting to make a point. He hates the fact that Anne has to occasionally drag him out of his bed and remind him there’s an entire world out there. It’s pathetic. _He’s pathetic_.

“Yea whatever.” She rolls her eyes, and skips down the pavement without a care in the world. Dan follows, his shoulders hunched and his head hung low. They couldn’t be more different. Maybe that’s why they get along so well.

They eventually make their way to Anne’s favourite pub – The Red Lion – and quickly spots a booth. Anne drags Dan by the wrist reminding him of the _literal_ life changing news he’s hiding up his sleeve. An experience Dan is actively going to avoid bringing up.

However, this is difficult when Dan reaches for his drink. His sweater exposes part of his forearm while he reaches for his cup and Anne does a double take at Dan’s wrist.

“Oh my _fucking_ god!” Anne’s voice is low but her eyes are practically screaming with excitement.

Dan quickly retracts his arm and pulls his sleeve down so far the fabric tugs on his neck.

“It’s nothing,” Dan barks. Anne has always been aware of Dan’s dislike for the whole system of soulmates. She actively tries to make Dan see the bright side of it, but no matter what, he never can. Still can’t.

“Are you kidding me? That looks a whole lot like something!” Anne exclaims. An excited smile booms across her face but it’s only met with a seething glare from Dan. “Ok,” Anne puts her hands up in defence, sounding resigned. “We won’t talk about it... For now.” She adds at the last moment.

Dan knows he has to talk about it sooner or later. But right now it’s all too confusing.

Since _that_ little adventure, Dan has taken to wearing exceptionally long sleeved hoodies every day. Thankfully the weather is proving to be rather wet, which makes his constant long sleeved clothing choices less questionable.

Dan lounges on his couch scrolling through twitter, when a notification pops up on his phone.

**AmazingPhil posted a new video! - Weird days and even weirder people!**

Dan’s heart drops to his stomach. Phil’s new video isn’t about _Dan_ right?

Dan quickly clicks on the link as his mouth becomes dry with nerves. The thumbnail of the video includes a confused and rather cute looking Phil, who Dan is relieved to see is wearing a long sleeved jumper. Dan feels a small wave of relief wash through him. The last thing he needs is for Phil’s audience to see Dan’s name written on Phil’s wrist. He can’t even imagine what kind of things would be sent his way, especially after the fiasco that was Phil simply following him on twitter. Dan’s followers would probably have a heart attack. Hell, Dan almost did.

The video begins in typical AmazingPhil fashion.

“Hey guys!” Dan’s body tenses. “So I had something weird happen to me the other day! I was getting pizza and the delivery man was not what I was expecting.” Dan’s body relaxes back into the couch, feeling immediate relief that the video isn’t about him.

Dan watches as Phil dives into a story about how the pizza delivery guy shared the same interest in Attack on Titan, and how guy ended up coming into Phil’s flat so Phil could show of some of the merch he’d collected over the years. Dan can feel his heart slowly going back to a steady rate.

“It probably wasn’t the best idea to invite a stranger into my flat, but no one died so I guess it was okay.” Phil chuckles, the sound vibrating through Dan as if Phil were actually _right_ _here_. “So I guess the moral of the story is, be open to new things!”

Dan’s heart rate jumps back up at the way Phil is looking into his camera. He suddenly gets very serious, he’s a little less bubbly and more personal. His gestures become less exaggerated. It’s like he’s not talking to an audience, and more to a just single person. Chills crawl under Dan’s skin; it feels like Phil is looking directly at Dan from his computer screen.

Phil continues on, his voice now lower and more sincere. “People might not be what they seem and that new people can surprise you.”

Is Phil talking to Dan? No of course not, that’s ridiculous.

Right?

The intensity behind his words makes Dan think there is some hidden meaning. A hidden meaning that _might_ be meant for him.

“Anyways, I’ll see you next time guys! Gooooodbye!” Phil ends cheerfully, covering up his camera lens just as the video ends.

Dan slams his computer shut and tosses it to the other end of his couch with a little more aggression than necessary.

He needs some goddamn air.

Changing into something more socially appropriate, Dan trades his pyjamas for black jeans and a black jumper with white stripes. Still reeling with frustration, he starts down the never-ending stairs of his flat. Coffee is what he needs.

As Dan pulls the door to Starbucks open, he breathes in the pleasant aroma of coffee. Dan hasn’t come back here all week, still afraid that he might run into Phil. He knows he’s being ridiculous, but he can’t help himself. The thought of facing Phil again makes his stomach churn. How could he? After Dan had literally ran away from him? From his _soulmate_? It’s pathetic. And embarrassing.

Still, Dan catches himself scanning the coffee shop before he pulls the door open and steps inside. He feels like a child, scoping the place out to make sure that Phil isn’t here. Luckily, the shop is devoid of anyone he’s trying to avoid, so he steps in line and orders a coffee, waiting for it at the far end of the shop.

While waiting for his caramel macchiato, Dan’s phone begins to vibrate in his back pocket. The numbers on the phone aren’t ones he recognizes. Nonetheless, Dan pressed the green button.

“Hello?” Dan answers, confused at who it could be.

“Hello. Is this Daniel Howell?” A rather serious-sounding man says on the other end.

“Yes.” Dan says unsure. The unrecognizable voice on the other end adds to Dans anxieties, making his palms sweat. Maybe answering the call was a mistake.

“Hi, my name’s Richard. I’m calling from BBC Radio One. Man, are you a difficult guy to get a hold of.”

Dan chuckles awkwardly. “Oh, sorry about that. How can I help you?”

“I was hoping to potentially have you on our Sunday radio show next weekend,” the man - Richard - explains, sounding formal in a way that always makes Dan feel even more nervous. He hates taking business calls when he isn’t expecting them.

He’s also surprised the BBC even knows who he is. His channel had only recently started taking off. He’s nearly at two million subscribers, after all.

“Me?” Dan questions, feeling dumbstruck. He glances around the coffee shop as if to find the same reaction from the woman beside him. Of course she continues to tap away at her phone, completely unaware of the life changing news Dan is currently receiving.

“You’ve recently been picking up some traction online, am I right,” Richard points out. It’s not a question.

“I mean, yeah, but…” Dan trails off, not sure what to say. He’s always thought doing anything on the radio is meant for superstars, or people that actually have an influence on the public, but Dan? That doesn’t seem right. He’s just a small youtuber.

“Perfect!” Richard exclaims cheerfully, apparently having taken Dan’s _yeah_ as agreement to appear on the show. “I’ll have my people get in contact. What is your email so we can work out the logistics?”

Dan rambles off his business email before thinking it through. He hadn’t actually agreed had he? “Just to be clear, I’m not sure-”

“Perfect, you’ll be hearing from us soon!”” Richard hangs up the phone and Dan stares at the device wondering what exactly just happened. He’s never been on the radio before, how is he supposed to know what to do? Dan grabs his drink from the barista when she calls his name and makes his way back up to his flat to wallow in his own stupidity.

So much for a nice cup of caffeine to calm him down.

When Dan reaches the sofa, he sits down and contemplates his existence and whether or not everything in life is worth it. Specifically, whether or not this radio show is worth it. He’s going to make a fool of himself. He knows it.

But really, being on live on the radio is no different than a livestream, right? If anything it’s better because he’ll have someone else to bounce back and forth with, rather than sitting alone and relying on questions his viewers send in. He could do that. Dan decides he’ll do a live show the night before the radio show for practice. Maybe that’ll cool his nerves. At the very least, maybe it will take his mind off of a certain blue-eyed youtuber.

 

*****

 

It’s been a week since Phil met his soulmate. Seven days of going to the same Starbucks over and over again, hoping to run into him again. Seven days of staring down at his arm, reading the words Daniel Howell over and over again. Seven days of wanting nothing more than see Dan, to get a second chance.

Phil is losing his mind.

It isn’t until he’s in the middle of planning his next radio show that he has a brilliant idea.

As soon as Phil can he immediately goes to the higher ups at the BBC with an idea of trying something new, to help promote lesser known creators. Not that Daniel Howell is necessarily lesser known, but he does have fewer followers than Phil. It’s only a matter of convincing Richard, Phil’s boss, that it’s a good idea. It’s something Phil had planned to tackle at their monthly meeting.

“Let me get this straight,” Richard says with a hint of sarcasm when Phil explains his idea. “You, Phil Lester, a man who continuously begs me not to force you to have new people on the show, wants to invite someone you don’t even know on as a guest.” Richards raises his eyebrows at Phil.

Phil glances around the boardroom, finding that all eyes are on him due to Richard’s rather sarcastic and overdramatic reaction. The room suddenly feels warmer, and Phil can’t even take off his sweater to cool down. Not now that there is _a name_ there.

“Rich, you’re always saying I should try new things,” Phil sheepishly says, keeping his eyes settled on the mug between his fingers.

“Look I’m not complaining,” Richard laughs in slight disbelief. “Who do you have in mind?”

Phil knows he has it in the bag once Rich mentions he’s already heard of Daniel Howell and has been keeping an eye on his rise in popularity.

“I’ll see if I can get in touch with his agent and work something out,” Rich agrees. “This is a big step for you Phil. I’m really proud of you.” Rich smiles widely; he’s genuinely impressed with Phil for taking initiative.

Phil’s cheeks flush, but not out of embarrassment. Rich is always saying stuff like that. It is more that Phil’s ulterior motives are making him feel like a fraud. For the remainder of the meeting, whenever anyone slightly moves in their chair, Phil is convinced that he’s about to be called out. It’s not like he is doing anything _bad_ , he is only trying to help out fellow creators, after all. And if he’s only doing it because his mysterious soulmate is also a creator, well, no one has to know.

All Phil has to do is hope Dan agrees to the show.

 

*****

 

Phil is surprised when he gets the news that Dan said yes. Dan seems to be a fan of Phil’s channel, surely he knows about Phil’s radio show on the weekends. Maybe he hadn’t put two and two together when he got the call, or maybe he isn’t _really_ a fan of Phil’s. Maybe this Daniel guy only pretends, hoping to snag a few of Phil’s subscribers.

He can only hope his soulmate isn’t that type of person. Someone who uses people for their own gain. Thankfully, Phil has avoided interacting with those people for the majority of his life, which has become a bit of a rare in the world of youtube. Here’s to hoping he can keep it that way.

Phil sits on his sofa, putting a few finishing touches on tomorrow’s radio show outline — the one he is doing with Dan — when he gets a notification in the corner of his laptop monitor.

**Notification: @danielhowell: get your pjs on for a lazy night with dan [link]**

Attached is a link to younow, where Dan is presumably doing a live show. Phil’s heart flutters as he clicks the link. It takes a moment for the stream to connect, but when it does, Dan’s beautiful eyes that Phil hasn’t been able to stop thinking about light up the screen.

“Alright, I’ve tweeted the link. Now we can start the party,” Dan says with a low chuckle — nerves maybe? He bites his lip in concentration as he reads out a few usernames from the chat box.

He notices Dan’s long sleeved sweater immediately, and Phil catches how he seems to be clinging to the fabric, constantly pulling the sleeve on his right arm over his fingers. Phil wonders if Dan also spend hours at night staring down at the name written on his own skin. Tracing the lines, wondering how the hell things went so horribly wrong so fast and being so desperate to fix it.

Phil catches himself smiling at the screen every time Dan makes a stupid joke, or even simply smiles to himself. Dan goes on about a few things, stopping occasionally in the middle of his stories to discuss a television show or a recent political change. It’s cute how easily distracted he is. It’s something Phil is guilty of himself.

“Right..." Dan says with clear hesitation. “So, I knew this wouldn’t go unnoticed.” Dan chuckles in a way that Phil can once again only guess is from nerves. “I’m sure most of you have seen from twitter already, I’m going to be on BBC radio one this weekend!!” he says enthusiastically. “Honestly though, I’m not sure why they asked me, as I am a living flop.” Dan adjusts himself in his chair leaning back in his chair a dangerous amount. “HA!” Dan lets out a laugh that makes his entire face light up. “Rebecca in the chat said ‘Dan you’re going to meet your daddy”. It’s funny because when I agreed to be on the show, I completely forgot that it was the time the internet takeover was on. I know, fake fan.” He puts up his hands in defence.

Well that stings a little. Phil had hoped that Dan had agreed to the show knowing that Phil would be there, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem like he’s completely excited by the idea. Sure he _sounds_ excited, but the hollow look in his eyes doesn’t seem to match the excited tone. To Dan’s credit, he is trying to seem excited about it, perhaps the fact that Phil’s the only one who truly knows what's going on makes it clear to him that Dan’s not genuinely _thrilled_.

After briefly talking about the radio show, Dan seems to avoid anything else related to Phil. He bounces through a few more topics before finally saying, “Alright guys, I should call it a night. I’ve got a big day tomorrow. Bye!”

Phil’s closes his laptop when the livestream ends, unsure of what to make of it. He finds Dan to be quite entertaining, not to mention he isn’t the worst to look at. But Dan’s lack of excitement for tomorrow makes his heart hollow and the worry lines on his face deepen. What if Dan truly wants nothing to do with him and Phil’s only making it worse?

Phil doesn’t sleep much. He spends the majority of his time in bed tossing and turning, trying to come up with things to say to Dan. Why hadn’t he stayed and talked that day in the coffee shop, and why had he look so terrified?

Phil needs answers, but he has a feeling that tomorrow will only bring more questions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter two! Finally! Sorry it took so long to get it out to you guys! Between the holidays and uni starting again I have been swamped. But thanks again [imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com/) for being the worlds greatest beta!

A headache is not how Dan ever wants his mornings to start, but of course on the day where he’s meant to be live on the radio — not to mention see _Phil_ again — he has one splitting from the front of his skull to the back.

Blinking a few times, Dan pulls the covers over his head, groaning into the sheets. His breath feels hot trapped under the thick monochrome material. Maybe if he stays under here forever, the rest of the world will fade away and he won’t have to deal with any of his problems.

No, Anne wouldn’t let that slide. The thought of Anne barging into Dan’s flat is enough motivation for him to slide his covers down his body and roll out of bed.

Dan stretches his fingers out, feeling for his bedside table. He winces at the light when he tries opening his eyes, he feels his way out of his bedroom by sliding his hands along the wall and down the hallway into the kitchen. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he tries to dull the ache pulsing through his scalp with little success. Dan presses start on the coffee machine, and is thankful that he put the water and coffee grounds in the night before. Thank god he had been motivated enough last night to minimize any extra effort he would need to procure this morning.

Dan winces at the vibration coming from his phone, which he has been clutching in his hand for dear life. He squints, reading the message as best he can despite the brightness of the screen.

**I’m outside your door let me in. - Anne**

So much for a quiet morning to himself then.

Dan quickly shoots Anne a message to tell her he’s coming, his eyes lingering on the dripping coffee as he reluctantly rounds the corner of the kitchen. Averting his eyes to the ridiculous flights of stairs, careful not to fall, he quickly heads down. As soon as he reaches the front door, he clicks it unlocked. Anne immediately comes barging through, shivering as she shakes raindrops off her coat.

“Took you long enough! Are you in your pyjamas still?” she rambles, shoving past Dan and jumping up the stairs with more energy than anyone should have at this hour.

“Yeah, not everyone can have as much energy as a two year old high on a sugar rush,” Dan grumbles, following her up the stairs. “Speaking of which, don’t you have an actual child that needs tending too?” Dan asks sarcastically.

“James and Macy are having a father daughter day, so I’m all yours baby,” Anne sings prancing into Dan’s kitchen.

“What time is it anyways?” Dan’s ask groggily, trying to keep up with his friend.

Anne grabs a cup from the cupboard above the coffee machine and fills it to the brim once there’s enough liquid in the pot. Dan slumps onto one of the island chairs, resenting her taking the first cup until Anne slides the mug toward him. He takes a sip, and he feels his body melt at the addicting flavour.

“It’s nearly one in the afternoon.” Anne rolls her eyes goodnaturedly. “You’re lucky I was in the neighbourhood, don’t you have that radio show thing today? You know… the one with the guy you’ve been obsessing over for the last decade?” Anne flashes Dan a knowing smirk, having been witness to his numerous fangirling moments.

Dan groans into his cup and winces at the splitting sensation in his head, though the more coffee he drinks, the more the pain slowly begins to dull. “I don’t have to be there until eight thirty tonight,” Dan mumbles. He feels slightly irritated, not necessarily at Anne, but rather at what the day has in store for him — how he’ll most likely spend the day dreading something he should be excited about.

It’s _Phil_ for god's sake. Dan should be thrumming with excitement, not dread. He wants to be excited, he _really_ does. There’s yet another reason why this _soulmate_ thing is bullshit. It’s only ruining something that, under any other circumstances, Dan would have seen as an amazing opportunity.

Now it feels like a nightmare.

The only thing this soulmate situation has done is cause Dan anxiety, all because of some stupid letters on his wrist. He’s spent the last couple days with a stomach ache trying to think of a way to stop it all from happening. Them meeting, the radio show, any further contact, _everything_ needs to just stop. How do you stop something that’s _literally_ destined to happen?

“Don’t sound too excited,” Anne says sarcastically, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “I thought you’d be bouncing off the walls, or at least shitting yourself knowing you’re one hundred percent going to make a fool of yourself,” she teases playfully, smiling into her mug before she takes a sip of coffee.

“Fuck off,” Dan grumbles with more aggression than necessary. It’s enough to wipe the smile off her face.

“Woah,” Anne mutters defensively. She raises her eyebrows and purses her lips together; she’s clearly surprised by Dan's outburst, and he feels his stomach sink. _Shit_. Now she’s going to want to talk about it.

“What’s going on?” she asks. Her voice is gentle, and it’s enough to make Dan feel like the world's biggest douchebag for freaking out on his best friend when all she does is care. This girl should win an award for world's biggest heart. Anne refills Dan’s already empty coffee and questions Dan’s behaviour further. “Is it something to do with the _thing_ I still haven’t brought up because I’m trying to be a good friend who lets you bring it up when you’re ready?” She says faster than Dan can process, probably hoping he won’t interrupt her.

Okay, fine. Maybe his attitude has _something_ to do with the name tattooed on his wrist, the name that has been haunting his every move for the last couple weeks. But in Dan’s defence, it is a lot to process. Especially when he does every physical thing he can to avoid looking at the black letters. It’s only at night, when the streetlamps outside his flat scatter faint light through the windows of his bedroom, that he traces each letter. His stomach swirls each time he touches it, thinking about Phil, and wondering if he’s doing the exact same thing. Wondering what it all means – to have a _soulmate._

Anne gives a playful laugh, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “Are you going to make me ask then? And make me ruin my title of world’s greatest friend?” Anne jokes, but Dan can tell there is genuine concern behind her eyes. “What’s going on Dan? Do these little outbursts have to do with your soulmate?”

Dan’s silent for a moment, debating if he should deflect the question with a joke. He knows it’s no use; Anne will get the truth out of him sooner or later. “It might,” is all Dan says, and Anne’s eyes peek at his wrist with obvious curiosity. He pulls down on his black shirt covering the letters on his pale skin, fidgeting with the material to make sure she can’t read it.

“Are you at least going to tell me _who_ it is?” Dan can tell it’s taking everything in her for Anne to conceal her excitement. She’s practically bouncing up and down as she leans back against the kitchen counter. When Dan doesn’t respond, instead staring steadfastly ahead with a blank expression, her frustration becomes more apparent. She sighs and throws up her arms in defeat. “Okay fine! I knew that one was a long shot. How about _when_ it happened?”

Dan shrugs. “A couple weeks ago.”

“A couple weeks?!” She shouts, her jaw dropping in disbelief. Dan’s almost certain she’s about to come around the counter and clobber him. “Dan I only noticed it last week! You had a soulmate for an entire week and didn’t tell me!?” She pouts as if she’s been personally attacked.

Once again Dan shrugs, dropping his gaze to stare blankly into his coffee and watch the black liquid ripple when he moves the mug slightly. “It’s not a big deal,” he sighs, borderline annoyed; he hates how touchy the subject makes him. Dan finally looks at Anne. It’s an attempt to show that he doesn’t mean to lash on her, she deserves more than a simple look, but still it’s something.

“Not a big– Dan!” Anne scolds, cutting herself off in exasperation. She pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep breath, seeming to collect herself again. She looks back up at Dan, now with excitement in her eyes, though Dan can still see hints of irritation slipping through her voice. “Well at least give me the juicy details, how’d it all go down?” She leans forward on the counter across from where Dan sits, way more interested than she should be.

“Fine,” Dan relents. He knows she’ll keep pushing if he doesn’t give her _something_.

Dan recounts the story in as much detail as he can bear. Thinking about the whole thing makes Dan nauseous, and he feels even worse when he remembers he’ll be seeing Phil again _tonight_.

Dan thinks about opting out of telling Anne how he ran away like a child, but eventually decides against it. She’d see through him anyway.

“...and then when I saw him still sitting there, I bolted,” Dan admits sinking into his chair rather embarrassed.

“Oh, he waited for you! That’s so romantic!” Anne squeals.

“I don’t know if he waited for _me_ ,” Dan assures her. “He could have been waiting for his friends or just having leisurely coffee or something.” Dan tries to keep his nonchalant composure by shrugging once again, but even Dan doesn’t believe his own words.

“Trust me. He waited for you.” Anne winks knowingly. “If James climbed a literal mountain for me, I think this guy could wait a few hours in a coffee shop for you.”

Anne never lets Dan forget how romantic her own soulmate story is, and every time she tells it, it kills him. Not that it’s a terrible story, but soulmate stories never sit well with Dan. They seem too fabricated to be true. Anne had been at a combined bachelor and bachelorette party for one of her work friends where they went rock climbing. Anne had made eye contact with one of the groomsmen at the bottom of the small cliff, who turned out to be James. He climbed to the top right after their timers hit zero together, despite his crippling fear of heights. It was a touching story really, and yet Dan still can’t find it in himself to find it romantic. Don’t get him wrong, he’s happy for Anne, James is a great guy. It’s that single dreaded word that ruins _everything_.

“Yeah, for some reason I don’t think Phil waiting in a coffee shop for hours is quite the same.” Dan grimaces when he realizes what he’s done. What he’s _said_.

“Wait, what?” Anne pauses in disbelief. “Phil? His name is Phil?” Her eyes grow wide as she latches onto the detail Dan accidentally let slip.

Dan groans leaning back in his chair, “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“What's his last name?” Anne asks amused. She’s bouncing excitedly now, and dread sinks into Dan’s skin, he’s never going to hear the end of this. “Oh my god! What are the odds that his name is Phil, when you’ve spent your life obsessing over a guy named Phil?!” She laughs incredulously, but when Dan’s eyes continue to stare blankly across the kitchen, the gears in her head must start to turn.

It only takes a moment before she evidently puts everything together and squeals, “No way!”

Dan gives a defeated sigh, his head thumping to the counter as he extends his arm and pulls his sleeve up to expose the black writing. He can’t bear to watch Anne’s face as she reads it.

“Holy fuck!” Anne blurts in a combination of disbelief and shock. A feeling Dan knows well.

“Yeah,” Dan can hear every once of dread in his own voice as he sits up to hide his face in his hands. Somehow Anne knowing makes it all seem ten times more real. It’s not Dan’s secret to avoid anymore. Someone else knows and that’s terrifying. Now he has to face it.

“Get dressed,” Anne demands. “We’re going out for a drink.”

“Or a couple,” Dan mumbles quiet enough so Anne won’t hear. Everything seems so out in the open now. It’s only Anne for heaven's sake! How the hell is Dan going to survive if his audience finds out? Even the thought makes Dan yearn for anything containing alcohol.

Dan heads to his bedroom. He quickly pulls on his black jeans and a black t-shirt. Not wanting to keep Anne waiting, he decides to skip doing anything to his hair, grabs his jacket with more zippers than necessary, and calls it good enough.

“Let’s drink,” he says with determination as he leaves his room. Anne follows him out of the flat.

At the rate this day is going, he’s going to need quite a few drinks.

They go to their usual table at The Red Lion. Thanks to Dan being eager for a drink, it takes less than a second after they both get settled into their booth for Anne to start breaking down the situation. Dan mostly tunes her out once she starts going on about how Dan is living every fangirl’s dream, as it’s a dream that Dan wants nothing more than to wake up from. Sure Dan has daydreamed that Phil was his soulmate, but it was supposed to be innocent. It was supposed to be _safe_.

“... And now you have to go live on the radio and talk to him like nothing is going on!” Anne finishes her rant with a heavy, disbelieving sigh.

“Nothing _is_ going on,” Dan affirms sipping his beer that doesn’t even taste good. He was too distracted to choose something else when Anne asked what he wanted, and he’d just gotten the same thing as her. That was clearly a mistake.

Dan’s mind was too busy spiraling to make a proper decision, coming up with worst case scenarios like everyone suddenly knowing. He knows Anne would never tell anyone, she’s proved time and time again her loyalty to Dan — which isn’t always something easy to come by when you’re constantly in the limelight.

“Oh, nothing is going on?” Anne mocks, rolling her eyes. “That’s bull and you know it. Are you just going to ignore that all this is happening?”

“That’s the plan,” Dan says with certainty as he continues, sipping the beer despite how it only furthers the nauseous feeling that's been settling deep in his stomach for the last couple of hours. Dan glances at the clock; it reads three twenty-one. Only five hours until he has to be at the BBC.

Anne flashed Dan a ruthless smirk. “Well, you’re not doing a very good job considering you agreed to be on a radio show with the man.”

“I didn’t mean to agree!” Dan defends himself. “And besides I forgot it was his show, and by the time I realized it was too late to back out.”

It’s true. Dan had been pouring hot water into his cup when it dawned on him that he was going to be on Phil’s radio show. He’d been scrolling through twitter while pouring his tea when the show was announced on BBC’s profile, and Dan’s mentions blew up with his fans freaking out about the news.

It was at that point that Dan realized he is going to be standing in a small room at close proximity to Phil Lester, conversing as if they’re not destined to be together in one way or another. _He is going to be in the same room as Phil with no escape._ The entire time he’ll be standing by Phil – the man of his dreams – who’s name is written permanently on his skin, how is Dan supposed to hide that? Feeling light-headed, Dan nearly poured the boiling water on his hand, missing the teacup completely.

Anne insistently tapping the table in front of Dan pulls him from the memory. “Well, what are you going to wear?” Anne asks, as if _that’s_ the first thing on Dan’s mind.

But, in all honesty... it is nagging at him a little. He hates that. He hates that he wants to look good for Phil. Dan blames it entirely on his past of idolizing the man, but who is he kidding. He wants to make an impression.

Dan is utterly screwed.

Dan and Anne spend the majority of the afternoon wandering through shops, Anne wanting nothing more than to discuss Dan’s little issue and Dan avoiding the subject at all costs. He tries on a few grayscale items that he doesn’t end up buying. Only as a matter of pride, of course. Buying a new outfit for the occasion looming in the very near future would mean he cares, and Dan _doesn’t_ care.

He doesn’t.

After hours of shopping, six thirty rolls around and they decide to stop at an Italian restaurant ‘round the corner of the BBC building; Anne had suggested going back to Dan's place but he didn’t see the point. There’s only two hours until he has to be there — might as well have a good meal to calm his anxieties. Better than wallowing home in sheer panic.

Unfortunately, the moment comes when they’ve overstayed their welcome as the waiter asks them if they need anything else for the _fifth_ time – the poor man probably wants to go home. Dan glaces at his phone, reading the time as eight fifteen.

“I should get going.” Dan’s voice is quiet as he reluctantly folds his napkin and places it on the table in front of him.

“Want me to come?” Anne asks, giving him a sympathetic look. His nerves must be on full display at this point. Which isn’t surprising considering Dan feels like his heart has sunk deep into his gut, never to see the light of day again.

“No.” Dan’s voice shakes a little and he clears his throat. “Thanks though.” He knows he has to do this alone – if only to stop Anne from having more to hold over Dan’s head. Though he knows with something as important as this she would never tease him about it… at least not for a couple more weeks.

They part ways outside the restaurant, Anne in one direction and Dan in the other.

 

Dan has spent the last twenty-four hours with anxiety boiling through every crevice of his body, constantly contemplating if he should cancel altogether. But that would mean drafting a confrontational email, which he always wants to avoid at all costs.

It wouldn’t be that unprofessional to send a quick _sorry can’t make it_ message forty minutes before he’s supposed to be on air. Right? He could claim someone in his family had died? That’s not too close to tempting fate, is it?

The rain pattering outside still isn’t enough to make Dan rush to the BBC building but sure enough, here he is. Staring up at the building like an idiot.

Taking a deep and anxious breath, Dan pushes through the doors and walks straight to the reception desk. A middle-aged woman with a name tag reading Susan acknowledges Dan immediately. Well, there goes his hope of suddenly being invisible.

“Hi there sweetie, what can I do for you?” she asks with a kind smile.

“Um, I’m here for, uh, Richard,” Dan says with very little confidence.

“One moment.” Politely smiling she turns her attention to the phone, letting whoever's on the other end know that “Mr. Howell has arrived.” She turns her attention back to Dan. “He’ll be down in a moment. You can take a seat.” She gestures to the minimalist looking chairs lined against the wall to her left.

Dan opts for standing, then immediately regrets it. He’s too awkward to sit now, so he fiddles with the zippers on his jacket instead.

Dan wonders if it’s Phil she spoke to. Even the idea of him on the other end of a phone makes Dan feel like his throat is closing. How the hell is he supposed to talk to Phil live on air?

 

After a moment of hovering at the desk, a man in a suit comes walking toward Dan. “Mr. Howell, I’m Richard! Nice to meet you in person.” Richard extends his hand and Dan shakes it. It’s a sturdy shake. Dan can’t help but think Richard is one of those _manly_ _men_ who only does things like a _man_. Claiming anything feminine would make him a lesser being. Dan inwardly rolls his eyes, then scolds himself for judging someone who’s done nothing but be nice. Must be his nerves.

 

“It’s Dan, please.” Dan smiles, despite the terrible feeling in his stomach.

“Follow me,” Richard gives a toothy smile and gestures for Dan to follow with his hand and Dan follows him to the lift. “So this is your first time on the radio?” he asks as they step into a lift enclosed in glass. Through the windows, Dan can see just how vast the place is. People are running to and from wherever their work takes them.

“Yeah.” Dan’s voice shakes as he shoves his hands in his pockets, stopping himself from fiddling with his zippers more.

“No need to be nervous. Phil’s a great lad.” Richard assures, looking down at his phone tapping away at the screen.

Dan’s stomach somersaults. Richard’s assurances don’t make him feel better — they make him feel _guilty._ He’s not sure why, it’s not like Dan has done anything wrong. This whole thing just _feels_ wrong.

They’re silent for the rest of the ride until there's a ding and they’ve reached the fourth floor. The doors open and they both exit, continuing down the hall to a room which must be the lounge. Couches line the walls, and a coffee station finds its home in the corner of the rather colourful room.

 

“Now,” Richard begins what seems like is going to be some serious business talk. “Phil has actually been held up for personal reasons-” _Personal reasons? What the hell could that mean?_ “-But he will be here just in time to start the show. Now, you’re not on until fifteen minutes in, so you won’t have a chance to go through things with Phil, but he’s asked me to give you the regular ‘no foul language or inappropriate conversations’ talk. He’s also asked me to get you to write down a list of things you’d rather avoid talking about. Always the gentleman he is.” Richard hands Dan a piece of paper and a pen, and looks at Dan expectantly.

 

In all honesty, Dan is still stuck on the fact that he won’t see Phil before going live. He’s not sure if its a blessing or a curse, because this means that the first time he’s going to be having an actual conversation with his idol, teen crush, and _soulmate_ will be live on the radio for the world to hear.

Dan is utterly screwed.

Looking down at the blank paper, there’s only one thing comes to mind, and Dan’s not even sure if he should to mention it. Sure Phil doesn’t seem the type to say anything about it when thousands of people are listening in, but would he? It’s not like Dan _really_ knows who Phil is, he only knows the person that Phil lets the world see.

The thought breaks Dan’s heart.

It dawns on him that he knows Phil about as well as the rest of Phil's followers. He knows nothing of substance about the man. Dan knows _nothing_ about his soulmate.

For the first time, the thought makes Dan sad rather than angry.

Tapping the pen on the paper Dan decides to write the word soulmates. He physically struggles to form the letters and begins to sweat after handing the paper over to Richard, who looks at it, then at Dan. “Fair enough, that’s usually what everyone writes.”

Yeah, but not everyone has Phil as a soulmate.

“I’ll come get you when we’re ready,” Richard smiles, and leaves Dan by himself.

Dan wishes he could say time is going by slowly, but it’s the exact opposite. In what feels like less than five minutes, but is really twenty, a speaker in the room perks up and Phil’s voice courses through. Dan doesn’t want to admit that his stomach begins to flutter at the smoothness of Phil’s voice, but it does. It’s almost calming.

Dan tries to tell himself that it’s just because he’s been watching Phil’s videos for so long. The familiarity of his fouce voice is all it is.

“Hello everyone! Welcome back to the internet takeover. As you can probably hear, I am a bit winded as I made it to the studio with only five seconds to spare,” Phil says with typical dramatic flare. “I had a bit of an emergency but it’s alright, everything's ‘A’ okay and I made it in time!”

Phil really does sound winded, which causes Dan to wonder what exactly it was that forced him to be late. Had he done it on purpose? Was he avoiding Dan just as much as Dan had been avoiding Phil the day they met?

What if Phil regrets all of this? What if his brief encounter with Dan was enough for him to know he wants nothing to do with him? The thought should comfort Dan — it’s an escape from it all.

Instead, Dan feels worried. Strange. The idea of Phil not wanting him fills Dan with panic. He almost wants to find him and try to convince Phil he’s worth his time.

Is he though? Is Dan worth anyone's time? Does he even want to be worth it? No. He doesn’t. He especially doesn’t want to be worth Phil’s time.

Phil’s voice interrupts Dan’s string of thoughts, which were headed nowhere positive. “We’ve got some exciting plans for today, I’m going to be joined by a special guest in just ten minutes!” Phil continues.

As if on cue, Richard comes strolling back into the lounge gesturing for Dan to follow him. “Right, so no swearing and nothing inappropriate. I’ll need you to sign here that you understand.” He holds up a clipboard handing Dan a pen. He scans the sheet, which is rather straightforward. Basically, don’t be twat is what it says.

Dan swallows nervously and signs the paper.

“You’ll do fine, Phil’s great at what he does. If you can’t think of anything clever to say, he’ll help you out.” Richard gives Dan what could be considered a manly slap on the back as they stop outside of one of the hall doors. The gesture only makes Dan feel more uncomfortable. It’s not that he was worried about not being able to say anything clever — he’s more worried he won’t be able to say anything at all.

Richard looks at the watch on his wrist. “Phil will have a pair of headphones ready for you. You’ll be standing beside him.” He swings the door open and they both step inside the dimly lit room.

Across from them both, there’s a desk where Phil currently stands talking into the microphone with a large set of headphones on. Dan's feet plant themselves at the far end of the room. Their eyes meet and Phil stutters on whatever he’s saying and his lips part slightly. His jet black hair looks intense with the blue lighting behind him. He’s wearing the grey sweater with a fox on the front – which Dan has seen in many videos before – and it looks _so_ much better in person.

 _Phil_ looks so much better in person.

“Umm–” Phil clears his throat, “and now here’s one of my favourites.” Phil says more quickly than usual, and clicks a button then flicks a switch. He slips one ear of his headphones off and looks at Dan, who still hasn’t moved from his spot across the room. “Hi,” Phil says a little breathless.

It takes a moment for Dan’s feet unglue themselves from the floor. Dan steps around the table to stand beside Phil, avoiding all eye contact and pretending to be very interested in all the buttons before him.

Dan tries to keep calm but it’s incredibly difficult when he’s standing directly beside Phil. He wants to touch him. Which is strange. He doesn't even know the man.

So why does Dan feel the urge to stand as close to Phil as he can? Why does he want to brush his shoulder against Phil’s, if only to feel the fabric of his shirt brush against Dan’s jacket? Why does he want to reach out and grab Phil’s hand, to turn it over and pull the fabric of his sweater up to see the letters? The letters that spell Dan’s name in thin solid writing. Dan shouldn’t want all these things, but he does.

Why the hell didn’t he cancel?

Grabbing at his zippers, Dan keeps his hands to himself. He _should_ have canceled.

“We’re livestreaming on the website too,” Phil warns. “Just so you know,” he adds quickly.

Dan’s eyes flicker up to the camera giving a smile and a wave to whoever is watching. He’s acting weird. Why is he acting weird? Dan breaths a silent breath. He needs to stop acting weird. People are going to notice.

“I know.” It surprises even Dan how on edge he sounds. Phil must notice the sharp tone in Dan’s voice because he stiffens slightly beside him. Dan puts his headphones over his ears, welcoming the soothing sound of Ed Sheeran’s vocals. “Let’s just get this over with,” Dan snaps, and Phil flinches slightly at the harshness in Dan's voice. It only makes Dan feel terrible for his behaviour. He should be acting more professional, but he’s never been good with this sort of thing. Dan silently scolds himself for acting like a child. He takes in another another deep breath.

“Right.” Phil says nervously, “I uh… I’m not really sure what to say.” Phil tugs on the arm of his sweater causing Dan's eyes to flicker down to where he knows his name is tattooed onto Phil's skin. His eyes drift back up to meet Phil’s, who is staring at Dan rather intensely. There’s a knowing wave that passes between the two that makes Dan’s cheeks go pink and his palms sweat.

He can’t do this. He _has_ to do this.

“Well, you better think of something quick, song’s almost over,” Dan teases with a wink.

Where the hell did _that_ come from?

Sure, whenever it comes time for Dan to entertain, his youtube persona comes to life, but a wink? At _Phil_ of all people? Especially after they were both clearly thinking about the whole soulmate thing! Dan chalks it up to nerves. Not to mention it’s entertaining to see Phil’s mouth gape slightly, although Phil catches himself before anyone watching can notice. He’s probably expecting Dan to be difficult. To be fair, he _is_ being difficult, his mood swinging from standoffish to flirtatious like the flick of a switch. At this rate Phil probably regrets having Dan on the show, assuming he was the one who set this whole thing up in the first place.

Why not have a little fun since he’s here? It’s then that Dan feels his flirtatious entertaining self take over and the shy reserved version of himself take the back seat.

It’s time to entertain.

“That was Ed Sheeran, Happier,” Phil chimes after flicking both his and Dan’s mics on. “I am pleased to say that I am now joined with our special guest Daniel Howell, formerly known as Danisnotonfire.”

Interesting. Phil has done some research.

“Oh, had to bring the old branding in there, didn’t you? I’ll never escape it.” Dan chuckles, still avoiding looking in Phil's direction while also avoiding touching him. Though he desperately wants to. He hates himself for wanting that, and the small space of the room makes it rather difficult to avoid. “Hello. Yes, I’m Dan,” He gives a two-fingered salute to the camera.

“Now-“ Phil pauses for dramatic effect. “-ever since it was said you’d be on my radio show, my twitter has been going crazy.”

“Has it?” Dan chuckles. “And why’s that?”

“It seems we have quite the interwoven audience,” Phil notes casually.

“Well, that makes sense considering I started making my videos because of you,” Dan says before he can stop himself. Why the _hell_ did he admit that?

Phil tilts his head slightly looking at Dan. “Did you?” he asks with genuine interest.

“Well, how could I resist the handsome boy with emo hair?” Phil’s cheeks go pink, much to Dan’s satisfaction. “I wanted to do what he was doing. Or at least try to seem cool enough to make videos, probably could have used some editing tips or something though.” Dan chuckles suddenly feeling slightly shy, though it the feeling fades the moment he looks at Phil.

Dan’s answer seems to please Phil as his smile seems natural, rather than the forced one that he’s been giving. “Well, I could always give you some tips if you need. Though, I don’t think you do,” he says sweetly, and then he begins tapping at the buttons in front of them both as if to keep his hands busy. Does Phil want to reach out to Dan as much as he does?

Dan simply shrugs, hoping the conversation will go in any direction but the one it’s currently headed in. Dan doesn’t necessarily feel like confessing the fact that he’s been stalking Phil's career long since before Phil could actually call it that.

“Well, seeing as we have you here, why don’t you talk a little bit about what you do?” Phil requests, turning to Dan rather excitedly. It makes him feel slightly on edge. Why would Phil care so much about what Dan does? Does he care? Or is it just for the show?

Dan gives the usual answer, explaining what YouTube is, how it works, and all the boring stuff before he dives into his actual content. “...and mostly I just share what a disaster my life is, and let other people laugh at me.”

“Well it is entertaining, I’ve got to admit I started watching your videos a couple weeks ago.” Dan stands up a little straighter. That’s when their timers hit zero together. If the significance of the time affects Phil, he doesn’t acknowledge it. “And I’ve binged everything.” He giggles as if remembering them. “I’ve watched them all about three times over.” Phil's cheeks go pink at his own confession.

“Oh no, please don’t tell me you didn’t go all the way back to the beginning!” Dan cringes inwardly. He can hardly stand to have people he doesn’t know watch Hello Internet. The thought of Phil watching it makes him want to hide under the table. The only thing that stops him is the cluster of wires that Dan does not want to mess with down there.

“I’m afraid I did, but you were actually quite good when you started!” Phil laughs. “Better than me! I was terrible!”

“No, you weren’t!” Dan can feel his face turn a new shade of red. He turns away from the camera, chuckling in embarrassment, but as soon as his back is turned he spins back around, talking into the mic once more. “Oh man, I can barely watch Hello Internet without cringing in embarrassment.”

“Hi, my name is, Dan,” Phil mimics Dan's first video, causing him to screech in horror and shove Phil playfully. Dan's skins tingles where his hand brushes over the fabric of Phil’s sweater. Dan can feel his heart pulsing in his fingertips as he snatches his hand back, quickly trying to school his expression. But when he looks at Phil, it’s even harder to not reach out once more. Phil’s eyes are locked on Dan’s as he sucks in a stiff breath.

“Please don’t make me relive it,” Dan laughs awkwardly, trying to hide the moment from the viewers watching.

Why the hell are they getting on so well? Well, Dan knows _exactly_ why.

The realization of how well the show was going seems to change Dan's mood slightly. For the last five minutes of the interview, he is rather professional. Answering the questions without too much playfulness, but enough to keep it entertaining. If Phil notices Dan’s sudden change in demeanor, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Well, it was great having you here Dan. Hope it’s not the last time we see you!” It’s then that Dan regrets looking Phil in the eyes. His earnest expression is enough to break Dan’s heart. He can practically hear Phil asking him to stay with a single look.

Phil and his damn hidden meanings.

“Right, uh, thanks for having me.” Dan’s voice wavers slightly as she shoves his hands in his pockets, within seconds he’s as closed off as he was coming in here, if not more.

Phil begins playing the next song and flicks off both their mics.

“I better be going. Lots to get done tonight.” Dan immediately takes off his headphones and quickly moves around the table, positioning it between him and Phil so he’s off camera. The distance hurts. How could he so desperately want to run away from someone but still feel the pull of wanting to be near them?

“Dan, wait-” Phil begins but is held back from saying anything more when his eyes flicker to the camera trained directly on him, which is currently streaming to thousands of people. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” Phil asks, clearly trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. Dan’s thankful Phil’s mic isn’t on because he fails miserably.

Dan only nods his head and exits the room. He rushes past Richard, who is trying to talk to him. “Hey Dan, you did great–”

Dan doesn’t bother to listen as his breaths become short and the walls of the narrow hall seem to shrink closer together. Dan bolts to the lift and counts each floor as it slowly falls, trying to ignore the glass walls closing in on him. He flies past Susan at reception, and out of the building.

The cold air prickles against Dan's skin and makes it burn. He inhales a deep breath, filling his lungs with the much needed oxygen, forcing his nerves to calm. Letting go of the breath he’d begun holding, Dan sighs to himself, wishing he wasn’t so pathetic.

Dan really wishes that the show would have gone terribly. Unfortunately, Dan rather enjoyed himself. Despite the tension and unspoken words that will need to be said eventually, it is easy to talk to Phil. Hell, if they could get on as well as they did with thousands of people listening, what would it be like if the two of them were alone and able to be completely themselves? Would Phil still seem as fond of Dan as he did on the radio?

Shaking the thoughts out of his head, Dan pulls up his hood to shield himself from the rain. Maybe walking home would clear his mind and knock some sense him. Of course, he got along with Phil. He’s admired the man for so long, they’re bound to have some form of chemistry, soulmates or not. It has nothing to do with the ink permanently staining Dan's wrist.

Once home, Dan changes into his pajamas and sinks into his sofa. At first, he tries not to give in but eventually, he finds his way to tumblr. He’s constantly surprised by the speed that his followers operate at. There’s already a ridiculous amount of gifs made of the radio show that scatter across the Dan and Phil tag that Dan reluctantly types into the search bar.

Dan stops scrolling when he comes across one gif in particular. Dan playfully shoves Phil on loop in the image. Phil’s hair falls in his face slightly, making him look younger. His smile makes Dan's chest tighten. Even Dan looks genuinely happy.

Is it terrible to say it’s strange seeing himself like that? So carelessly happy?

Dan's phone vibrates on the couch beside him, forcing his gaze away from the countless images of him and Phil laughing together. He unlocks his phone to see he has a twitter notification.

**@AmazingPhil: It was a blast having @danielhowell on the radio show tonight. Hope everyone else enjoyed it!**

Dan’s heart flutters and he hates that. How can Phil tweeting about him have the effect that it does? Dan taps on the tweet, looking through what people thought about the show.

**@AbbieSunshine: @AmazingPhil The show was AMAZING! I can’t believe you dragged Dan about Hello Internet, I laugh. [gif]**

The attached gif is, in fact, the opening to Hello Internet.

**@danielhowell: @AbbieSunshine @AmazingPhil thanks for the content warning there. im cringing at that gif as we speak. but I know right, leave it to me to be shamed by my idol.**

Dan presses tweet before he can overthink it. He’s neglected his followers enough. They were probably expecting a freak out from him when it was announced he’d not only be meeting Phil but being on his radio show. Dan had barely given them anything, which was definitely out of character, so it was time he gave the people what they wanted.

*********

It has been three days since Phil has heard from Dan, three days since the radio show. Three days since Phil had the chance to seriously speak with Dan. Despite the fact that thousands of people were listening, and that their conversation might not have been as personal as he’d have liked it, Phil knows just how hard he could fall for this man. Dan’s goofy smile was enough on its own, but the banter between the two is what sent Phil over the edge. It shocked Phil how easy it was to talk to Dan, even with the ever looming conversation they need to have. It feels like Phil has known Dan for years, and like hell is he going to let this boy escape him.

Phil only wishes he’d been able to speak with Dan privately before the show, but of course that would be the exact moment Nala would need to be rushed to the vet. She had just gotten a little too interested in one of Phil's shoelaces and swallowed the entire thing whole. Fortunately, it was an easy fix, and his precious corgi was able to come home safe in the same day. Unfortunately, that meant he was sprinting through the BBC building with seconds to spare before he had to be on air. His first actual conversation with Dan wasn’t one he thought he’d have in front of his viewers. At least it seemed to be received well from what he could tell on social media. He noticed a lot more of the word Phan going around, which both terrified and excited him.

Phil never really put too much thought into how his viewers would react to him finding a soulmate. Sure, he thought about how’d he’d break the news to them. He’d probably make a quick video about it like most youtubers do and that would be that. But what do people do when their soulmate is also someone constantly in the limelight?

Not to mention constantly avoiding them.

Phil was honestly surprised when Dan responded to one of their mutual fans on twitter after the radio show. With how fast he bolted out of the place, Phil was ready to never hear from him again. That tweet was the last time Phil heard from Dan, though. He has kept up with Dan's other social media, chuckling at the dramatic instagram stories and continuous questionable tweets. All of which have contained no acknowledgment of Phil.

On this particular morning, as Phil scrolls through Dan’s twitter for about the hundredth time, the three days of no communication is enough to make him go insane. He’s acting ridiculous and he knows it. He just can’t help himself. He can’t concentrate on anything, and it’s becoming borderline unhealthy. But what else is he supposed to do? This is supposed to be one of the most magical times of his life. All it’s done is cause him a headache.

It’s time for Phil to once again take matters into his own hands.

Tapping his phone screen, he presses the talk button and dials up his friend.

“Well hello,” Peej’s voice comes through rather cartoonish as usual.

“Wanna go for coffee?” Phil asks trying not to sound to obvious.

“I thought you’d never ask. I’ll meet you there.” Peej hangs up the phone, knowing exactly what Phil is asking.

Phil steps into the coffee shop shaking away the cold air. Peej has been nagging Phil to go back to the shop ever since he told his friend his story. Peej claimed that the universe clearly wants them to meet in a coffee shop, so it wouldn’t it be far fetched if the universe planned for them to meet at the same coffee shop for a second time.

Phil finds the table he sat at the first time ‘round, not bothering to order yet. He’ll do it when Peej gets here, and knowing Peej, he’ll most definitely be late.

Phil looks at the time on his phone, and it’s been fifteen minutes since his friend said he’s on his way. Phil sighs, eyeing the queue for coffee. If he gets up now, he’ll probably have enough time to get his drink, then sit back down again and still have to wait for Peej.

Phil is about ready to stand up, but he stops when a familiar figure rings the bell at the shop’s entrance.

Phil sucks in a literal breath as if the wind has been knocked right out of him. Dan steps inside dressed in all black, his jeans ripped and his jacket black and sleek. The man knows how to dress, that’s for sure. Phil feels his cheeks go pink when his eyes meet Dan’s; Phil’s been caught devouring the man with wide eyes.

Dan’s body stiffens when his eyes meet Phil’s. Hastily, Dan turns his attention to the counter and avoids Phil. Nothing new there. Phil listens closely, pretending to look at his phone, and he hears Dan ordering something to go.

Phil tries not to be disappointed while he watches Dan wait for his drink out of the corner of his eye. Phil silently begs for Dan to turn around, but the man is refusing to turn back and look at Phil. Unsure, Phil contemplates whether he should say something. Is that a bad idea? He’s not sure if he can handle Dan running from him for a third time. The bigger question, of course, is if he could live with himself for not taking the opportunity to talk when he has one.

Phil doesn’t have to contemplate for much longer, because during his internal struggles he notices Dan is heading in his direction with two cups in hand. Phil pretends not to notice, but fails miserably. When Dan reaches the table he doesn't say a single word, and his eyes look anywhere but at Phil as he places one of the cups on the table. Phil opens his mouth to say something but Dan leaves as quickly as he’d come. Phil blinks at the cup dumbfounded, then at Dan’s figure as he passes the window outside, pulling at his hood to protect himself from the rain.

Phil reaches out and the cup is warm in his hands. Phil takes a sip, a caramel macchiato. How did Dan know?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan doesn’t believe in soulmates, or at least that’s what he tells himself when he looks down at the numbers on his arm. He just can’t believe in system that dictates the direction of his life before he even has a say in the matter. The timer on Dan’s arm counts down to the second that Dan will meet his soulmate, and despite his utter reluctance and dread for the moment to come, he almost finds himself happy it does. He might not have imagined it would happen the way it does, but he just can’t help but feel something for the mysterious man named Philip Lester. And that’s a major problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual I have to thank imnotinclinedtomaturity for putting up with me. Love you boo <3\. If I haven’t driven her insane already I will soon. Seriously though... thank you for your wisdom.

If Dan wasn’t currently laying on his couch right now with his third glass of wine in hand, he would walk himself off straight a cliff. He keeps playing that moment over and over again in his head. He’d been so shocked to see Phil sitting meters away when he entered the coffee shop earlier that afternoon.

It was like Dan went into auto-pilot, and for some reason, that meant buying the man a damn coffee. He’s not even sure why he bought the coffee, he had absolutely no reason to. Yet somehow, he ended up with two caramel macchiatos in his hands. Dan wasn’t even sure if Phil already had a drink. Thankfully, on his way toward the table tucked in the corner of the shop, he could see it was clear aside from Phil’s belongings.

Dan probably looked like an idiot. He didn’t even make eye contact with Phil. He just placed the drink on the table and left – he could of at least said hello! No, Instead he went straight back to his flat, where he can hide _forever_.

Grabbing one his sofa pillows Dan pushes his face into the feathery material, trying to physically hide from his own embarrassment. “Why am I like this?” he grumbles in shame, eventually moving the pillow due to the inconvenient need for oxygen.

A light from Dan’s phone illuminates the dimly lit room, and catches his eye. He picks it up off the coffee table, and immediately feels his stomach knot reading the notification.

**Phil Lester has Tweeted**

Dan chucks his phone to the floor, wincing slightly when he hears the thud it makes on the hardwood. His mother always reminded him in his youth to treat his belongings with respect, which he always tries to do. Perhaps the wine is getting to him.

Shuffling deeper into the sofa, Dan lays flat on his back, blankly staring up at the ceiling. He feels his eyes glaze over as he continues to stare at the nothingness with little expression complimenting his features. _Why did he have to buy Phil a stupid coffee?_ Dan should have left it alone. It shouldn’t be that hard to keep his head down.

But apparently for Dan, it is.

Reluctantly, Dan reaches down grabs his phone off the floor. He quickly checks for any dents, and finds the device is still in working condition, not even a crack on the screen. He clicks on the twitter icon and sure enough, Phil has in fact tweeted. It’s a picture of the to go cup that Dan had bought him earlier today.

**@AmazingPhil: I was pleasantly surprised when an acquaintance of mine bought me a coffee! It made my day! [Picture]**

_An acquaintance,_ Dan snorts, _is that what Dan is?_ Well, it’s better than Phil straight out telling the world his soulmate bought him a coffee. Still, it’s a rather bold tweet. Calling Dan out like that, Phil has to know Dan will see it at this point. Maybe he’s counting on it.

Dan clicks onto Phil’s profile and his finger hovers over the direct message button. He wants to do it but knows he shouldn’t. What would he even say? _Hi, remember me? Your awkward as hell soulmate who constantly runs away from you?_ Clearly Phil’s followers are going to be curious as to who this _mystery person_ is. Hell, most of the fans’ replies to Phil’s tweet are questioning who it is. Dan even sees his name mentioned a few times.

It’s insane how much doing one little radio show amped up their fans. If they didn’t want Dan and Phil to be together before, the do now. They don’t even know they’re soulmates, christ what would it be like if they did. Dan’s stomach wavers a bit at that.

Eyeing his wine, Dan finishes his last couple gulps, and after hovering over the button for a moment longer, the wine makes up Dan’s mind up for him. “Fuck it,” Dan says with false nonchalance. He clicks on the DM link and begins tapping away at the small screen.

**acquaintance hey? - Dan**

Dan hits send, then hastily shoves his phone under the pillow he’d previously used to hide his face. His stomach swirls as he tries to focus his mind on his television.

When Dan had come home today, he had decided to binge some Game of Thrones to distract himself. When he remembered he also had an unopened bottle of wine in the fridge, well, that made the night even better. After his first glass, and a couple times checking his phone, Jon Snow and various other characters quickly blurred into background noise. Dan’s phone that is now shoved under a pillow, never to see the light of day again if he can help it.

Unless Dan drunkenly manages to find the courage to look at it.

Grabbing the television remote, Dan switches to youtube - he’d lost the plot of Game of Thrones in all his worrying.

Trying not to give it much thought, he types in the search bar ‘How I met my Soulmate’. Dan stares vacantly at the hundreds of results. His mind is spiraling. Phil could _actually_ respond to him. How the hell did he not think of that? What are they even supposed to talk about? Dan wouldn’t know what to say even if Phil _wasn’t_ his soulmate, and just his idol! Now, there’s the added pressure that their lives are _very_ intimately connected.

Connected forever.

Dan pulls himself out of his spiral by shaking his head, and contemplates if he should just go to bed. He decides against it, though, knowing he’ll still be freaking out, just in another room of the flat, and this room has wine. Dan pours himself another glass and finally skims through the results of his search.

Numerous popular youtubers’ videos appear, some of the creators he’s met personally and others he’s never even heard of. The platform grows so fast these days, Dan can hardly keep track of who’s considered relevant to the average subscriber.

Trying not to overthink, Dan blindly clicks on the first video and regrets it immediately. KickThePj, otherwise known as Pj Liguori, is front and center on Dan’s television. Of course, Phil Lester’s best friend would be the first video Dan lands on.

Even still, Dan doesn’t exit out of the video.

The video opens with a skit detailing what a soulmate is, in typical KickThePj fashion. Dan skips forward, not wanting a reminder of how inevitable his and Phil's relationship is. The thought makes Dan’s skin crawl. No matter what he does, everything he’s been taught to believe leads to one thing: Dan and Phil having a relationship together. The only thing Dan _can_ control is the _type_ of relationship it is. Before a couple of days ago Dan knew exactly how distant he wanted it to be. Dan would have been happy to keep his distance, and only admire Phil from afar. But now, Dan has no idea what he wants anymore, and that scares the living shit out of him.

He hasn’t even had a genuine conversation with the man. How does Phil already have the ability to control Dan as much as he does?

Phil can _control_ him.

Hell, Dan is already losing a part of himself - a part he isn’t willing to give up. He’s falling into everything he’d been taught about soulmates growing up. Dan can remember the words – that were supposed to be comforting – his mother told him when he only a teenager. “Independence will be forever absent in his life because he’ll be so deeply connected to someone else's.” Despite that fact that she meant it lovingly, he still finds the concept fucking terrifying to this day.

Dan takes a generous gulp of wine and refocuses on the television.

Pj is no longer the only one in the video. A rather tiny girl with brown hair stands close to Pj beaming up at him. “... and that's how we met. Honestly, it's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me,” Pj smiles at the girl then turns off his camera. Leaving the blank screen staring back at Dan.

Dan’s not sure what exactly he’s looking to find, but he immediately clicks on another video titled ‘Meet my soulmate!’. It lacks the quirkiness of Pj’s video, but it ends the same way: the youtuber finishing by saying how happy they are. So Dan clicks on the next, and then the next. He keeps clicking until he’s exhausted most of the “related videos” suggestions.

Slouching down into the couch, Dan can’t help but feel more confused than he did before. Everyone in the videos seemed _so happy_. In every case, it worked out for them. So why is Dan _so determined_ to screw this up for himself?

Dan stares at the fluffy pillow beside him where his phone is currently out of sight, where he’s waiting for a response from Phil. Maybe there is no response? Maybe the message didn’t send properly? Whatever it is, it can't be that bad, right?

Summoning every ounce of courage he has, Dan bites his lip and shoves his hand under the fabric and searches for his phone,quickly finding it. He holds his breath and lights up the screen with the press of his thumb. Feeling faint, he reads a notification in the middle of the screen.

He has a direct message from Phil.

_Shit._

It seems he responded only minutes after Dan had sent his message. Dan unlocks the device and opens the app after a few misclicks. The wine is _definitely_ getting to him.

**Well what would you prefer I call you? - Phil**

Dan bites his lip. _What_ would _he prefer Phil call him?_

Well, Dan can think of a lot of things he’s dreamed of Phil calling him, and most of them aren’t so innocent. Feeling slightly flushed at the thought, Dan opts for something a little more flirtatious than downright sinful.

**dan works most of the time. - Dan**

There. That seems innocent enough. Not too bold, but just inviting enough… Right? Dan re-reads the short conversation over and over again, eagerly waiting for a response. When one pops up, he almost drops his phone.

**Most of the time? - Phil**

It might be the multiple glasses of wine, but it feels like Phils messaging is missing a suggestive, smirk or wink emoji. Without it, Dan’s not entirely sure if Phil is being coy, or genuinely asking. Nonetheless, here he is smiling down at his phone like an idiot. Phil’s flirting with him. Maybe.

**i prefer ‘all powerful god’ on the rare occasion - Dan**

The response is typed and sent before Dan can stop himself.

What is he doing? Dan is supposed to be avoiding any sort of communication! Though, this reminder doesn’t stop from keeping his eyes glued to his phone for a full two minutes while Phil takes a his sweet time to respond.

**I’ll keep that in mind. - Phil**

Dan schools his lips into a straight line, trying to ignore the way Phil can easily make Dan smile with a simple conversation. He ignores the excited jolt in his chest that had previously been boiling with anxiety, and moves from the sofa to his bedroom.

He doesn’t bother responding to Phil as he plugs in his phone, putting it on silent, and curls under his duvet.

From the centre of his bed, Dan stares at the phone on his nightstand, contemplating if he should respond. His fingers itch to reach for the device and come up with something witty, but he stops himself. This is exactly one of those things he’d promise himself, he’d never do. Get so wrapped up in someone's life stops for a simple conversation. And right now, Dan’s life needs sleep, so that’s what he’s going to do. Hopefully.

Dan’s eyes begin to feel heavy but his mind keeping spinning out of control. How come every time they speak, Dan gets more comfortable? How come when he thinks about Phil and his stupid adorable smile, his chest feels lighter? When Dan’s not over thinking, he can perfectly imagine the overjoyed grin he’s seen countless times in Phil’s videos, and only a handful of times in person Each time, making Dan’s entire self feel completely content with the soulmate situation.

That’s not supposed to happen, right? It goes against everything Dan’s spent his whole life believing.

Dan tosses and turns in his bed, only getting a couple of hours of sleep. Each time he wakes up with Phil on his mind. After about six in the morning, he’s kept awake by the sun beginning to shine through his windows. He hadn’t closed his blinds before crawling into bed, having been too inebriated. Still, Dan wasn’t exhausted enough to get a full nights sleep.

Dan’s eyes flicker down to his wrist, and he turns it over slowly. The words look bolder than ever against his skin with the sunlight falling across his forearm. He’s almost used to seeing it there now, which is terrifying. Dan pulls his sleeve back over his arm, and continues looking out the window at the blue sky. For the first time in forever, it’s not raining.

****

Phil knows posting the tweet is risky. Not only is he going to be bombarded with messages from his subscribers wondering who this mystery person is, but _Dan_ would probably see it. Given how hot and cold the man seems to be, he will either take it well or completely hate Phil for drawing any attention to Dan’s gesture. A gesture of _what_ exactly, Phil’s not entirely sure. But it has to mean something, right? People don’t just buy strangers coffee, do they?

Phil had taken the photo while still in the coffee shop, careful not to show too much of the shop’s background as he didn’t want to spoil the location. Despite the fact that it is a very busy shop in the centre of London, he wants to keep it as his and Dan’s secret for as long as he can.

After hitting tweet, Phil occupies himself by feeding Nala and working on a new video idea. He’s in the middle of writing out a list of things he’ll need to do in preparation when his phone lights up, notifying Phil he has a direct message on twitter. He opens his inbox and discovers that it’s from Dan.

Well, that’s exactly the opposite response Phil expected. He didn’t even think Dan would acknowledge the tweet.

Is Dan angry? Does he want Phil to delete the tweet?

All colour drains from Phil’s face and his heart quickens as his mind comes up with a dozen terrible reasons why Dan could have messaged Phil.

Swallowing thickly, Phil slowly opens the message, fully expecting Dan to have reamed him out. But it’s the exact opposite. Maybe even... flirty?

**acquaintance hey? - Dan**

It takes Phil a solid two minutes to stop gawking at his phone, completely thrown off at the response to his tweet. Phil quickly comes up with a lame response, and he’s not sure if he’s trying to be flirty or genuine. Hell, he’s not even sure if the message reads as either of those. All Phil knows is that he’s a mess.

**Well what would you prefer I call you? - Phil**

It takes Dan an excruciatingly long time to respond. Phil tries to busy himself with planning his next radio show, and preparing questions for an upcoming youtuber guest Richard has lined up. Of course, Phil comes up with nothing over the stretch of an hour due to his constant glances at his phone every twenty seconds, sometimes going as far as unlocking the device and opening twitter, afraid he’d missed a notification.

When Phil’s phone _does_ buzz because Dan has finally responded, Phil nearly flings his phone across the room by reaching for it too fast.

**dan works most of the time. - Dan**

Phil's lips turn up in the corners at Dan's response, feeling like it’s meant to be sassy, though it could be taken as rather sarcastic. From what he’s seen of Dan, though, Phil leans towards the former.

**Most of the time? - Phil**

Phil considers attaching a flirtatious emoji to the message, but refrains, afraid that it would be too much.

**I prefer ‘all powerful god’ on the rare occasion - Dan**

To Phil’s surprise, Dan responds almost immediately. Phil leans back into the sofa, smiling fondly at Dan’s joke. Trying to come up with a clever response, Phil stands up and paces back and forth in his lounge. Nala must sense Phil’s anxiety because she begins to bark nervously. Phil takes a moment to calm her down, then quickly turns back to his phone, eager to keep the conversation going. Phil types a response, hoping it’s witty and cute.

**I’ll keep that in mind. - Phil**

Phil's response doesn’t seem to be interesting enough, though, as Dan doesn’t reply.

Phil waits by his phone for an embarrassing amount of time, hoping for Dan to respond. But eventually it grows late, so he scoops Nala up and brings her to his bedroom. She curls up at his feet quickly, clearly having an easier time falling into a deep slumber than Phil is.

Phil is going to be up all night.

~~~~

After somehow making through an entire day of helping Pj film a new video with almost no sleep, Phil somehow makes it back to his flat just in time to feed Nala and leave again. Pj had asked if Phil wanted to stay for dinner, but Phil politely declined, saying he has plans tonight.

The same plans he’s had every day for the last week.

Warm air welcomes Phil into the coffee shop as he shakes off the cold from outside. He heads straight for what has become his usual spot facing the door, exactly where he had been the time Dan bought him a coffee. He sets his things down, and heads to the counter where Sarah – the barista Phil has come to know well – stands waiting for him at the till. Phil notices her hair is a darker shade of black with a red streak decorating her bangs. She must have dyed it yesterday, after Phil had last seen her.

“The usual?” She asks rather bored, grabbing a cup and marking it with his order before Phil can even say yes. At first, when Phil started showing up here on the regular, Sarah greeted him with the typical customer service voice. By the third day, it seems Phil has become familiar enough that she doesn’t need to put on the customer service facade. He doesn’t mind though, he’s always hated the fake politeness and small talk that comes along with any customer service job. Hell, he hates it in his own job.

The first time Phil had come to the counter and her voice was void of its extensive cheerfulness, Phil had thought he’d done something to upset her. Over these recent days though, he’s come to know that it’s just her personality. It makes sense, as it matches her gothic exterior.

“You know me so well,” Phil smiles cheerfully tapping his card against the debit machine, paying for his order.

“Hard not too when you’re here every day.” She begins steaming the milk for his order and Phil leans against the counter, waiting patiently. “What do you even do tucked away in that corner of yours?” Sounding rather irritated, she gestures to Phil’s table while pumping the caramel syrup into a yellow mug.

“Working mostly.” It’s not completely a lie, he _is_ working. He’s also just waiting for his soulmate to wander through the door.

“What do you do?” she asks, still sounding uninterested while handing him the finished drink.

Phil carefully keeps the mug balanced, the heat of the drink warming up his fingers as he cradles it. “I work for BBC Radio One, among other things.” Phil excitedly explains. His work never fails to make him feel fulfilled, which is something he doesn’t take for granted.

“Fancy,” she says flatly, raising her eyebrows as if she doesn’t really believe it’s all that fancy.

“Thanks!” Phil smiles, gesturing at the drink. Her lips remain in a thin line as he makes his way to his table. He’s still not one hundred percent sure how to feel about Sarah. She’s kind of terrifying.

Phil places the cup on the table, sits down, and sets up his laptop. He manages to get a bit of work done, but his eyes constantly wander up to the entrance of the coffee shop, hoping Dan will walk through the doors. It’s a long shot, but here Phil is, still hoping. Still waiting.

He keeps finds himself in the middle of his recurrent daydream where Dan actually does walk through the doors. Sometimes he sits down with Phil, sometimes he only buys a coffee and leaves, other times he takes Phil into the back of the shop and does things to Phil that make him a hot shade of red. Every time it’s exactly what Phil wants.

But in reality, he hasn’t heard anything from Dan since they messaged each other on twitter. It has been complete radio silence, which makes Phil nervous. Maybe their brief conversation had been a step back rather than a step forward in their relationship. Or whatever they are to each other.

So since that day, when Dan had bought Phil coffee, Phil has come to this same shop, sat in the same chair, at the exact same time every day. Hence Sarah knowing his order by heart. Sure, it might drive him a little crazy, but he can’t help it.

Besides, Phil can’t complain about this new ritual in his life. It’s rather nice having somewhere else to work, rather than his lounge, at 7:00pm. Sure, there are more distractions – Phil can’t help himself but listen in on fellow customers’ conversations every now and again.

Just last week, he overheard a man telling a woman, who was presumably his fiance that he wanted their wedding to take place on a rocket ship. She of course vetoed the idea, claiming that a pirate ship is the better option.

To this day, Phil isn’t completely sure either of them were joking.

Tonight isn’t as eventful. Nine o’clock quickly rolls around and, surprisingly enough, Phil is able to get a lot covered with BBC work, and even manages to move on to planning his next video. Phil becomes so engulfed in his ideas that he doesn’t even notice when Dan pushes the door open to the shop.

He does, however, recognize the charming, articulate sound of Dan’s voice. As soon as he hears it, Phil’s eyes bolt to the cashier.

Dan is standing with his back to Phil, and _holy shit_ does he look absolutely stunning.

The curls on his head turn in every direction, and it’s somehow absolutely adorable yet sexy as hell all at the same time. His denim jacket squares off his shoulders, and Phil wonders if he were to peel back the thick layer of clothing, would the black t-shirt he’s wearing underneath reveal the same broadness? How would it feel to trail his fingers over the black material and across his chest? Under his shirt, what would it feel like to trail his lips across his back, along his shoulders, up his neck, down his–

Phil is knocked out of his daydream when he notices the exact man he’s rather _inappropriately_ thinking about, walking toward him. And yet again, he has two cups of coffee in hand.

When Dan reaches Phil’s table he stops short, his eyes landing on Phils empty cup. “Oh, I didn’t notice you already had a drink.” Dan’s voice is rather flat and indifferent.

“It’s uhm...” Phil clears his throat, turning red and trying to no longer think about _exactly_ what he’d like to do to this man. “It’s empty,” he explains, his voice continuing to waver slightly.

“Oh,” Dan says, this time with a little more enthusiasm. He places the paper cup beside Phil and continues to stand anxiously across the table.

“You can sit–” Phil eagerly gestures to the chair across from him.

“I should get going–” Dan points to the door with his thumb.

They both begin at the same time, talking over each other.

Dan chews on his lip as if contemplating Phils offer, his internal struggle is clear as he anxiously looks at the chair then to Phil. He gives an apologetic smile, “I should go, I’m meeting a friend later.” There’s a hint of what sounds like regret in his voice as Dan gestures back to the door.

“Oh…” Phil doesn’t even try to hide his disappointment. “Thank you,” Phil tries to smile. “For the coffee,” he adds.

“Don’t worry about it, mate,” Dan mumbles and turns toward the exit, making his way back down the street and away from Phil.

As Phil watches Dan go, he tries to not be too disappointed. Dan actually _talked_ to him, which is a welcomed change from the very brief and mostly silent encounters he’s experienced so far. Still, he’s getting nowhere with Dan, and he’s not entirely sure how to fix it. The man is so hot and cold it seems no matter what Phil does, he’ll always receive an unexpected response.

What does Dan want from him? Does he even _want_ him? Phil shivers, hating the idea that Dan might not.

 

Phil jumps in his seat when Sarah's voice interrupts his thoughts. “What the hell was that awkward nightmare?” She taunts, rubbing the embarrassment Phil already feels in deeper. She picks up Phil’s empty mug and leaves the to-go cup the Dan gave him on the table.

“Urrgh,” Phil lets out a defeated groan and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It was a step in the right direction, I guess,” he mumbles. Sighing to himself, Phil begins to back up his things and get ready to go home.

“Mhm.” Sarah raises a questioning brow, actually sounding mildly curious for once. “Well then, same time tomorrow,” she says flatly in lieu of a proper response, then walks away with dirty cups in hand.

It must be nice not give a shit about anything, Sarah does it so well.

~~~~

Phil’s pretty sure he’s gone crazy at this point, it’s been another three days since Phil last saw Dan in the shop. And every day since then, Phil still waits somewhat patiently to see the beautiful man again.

Adjusting his glasses, Phil scribbles down his plans for a video - he’s thinking about doing Q and A, but he’s struggling to find an entertaining way to do so. He’s always been one to go an extra step further, and a regular Q and A video seems so _boring_. It’d be such a good way to interact with his audience, but he doesn’t want it to be a standard Q and A, it needs something new. Something he’s never really done before.

Sarah comes over, but instead of taking his empty plate of muffin crumbs, she pulls out the chair across from him and puts her feet up on the little room left on the table. She sips her water, then sets the cup beside her feet, precariously close to Phil’s notebook.

Phil looks around the coffee shop in surprise, fully expecting a customer to get angry with her, but Phil realizes that he’s the only one here. Apparently this isn’t _the place_ to hang out on a Monday night.

Phil refocuses back on his notebook, trying not to mind how much Sarah has taken over his space in a matter of seconds. “Do you ever have a day off?” Phil is genuinely curious, the girl never seems to go home.

“Nope, my dad owns the place,” she grumbles. “Which apparently means that labour laws do not apply to me.” Clearly unimpressed, she curls the red streak in her hair around her finger and pops the gum she’s chewing, causing a loud smacking sound.

“That explains so much,” Phil jokes, regretting it immediately. It seems like the kind of joke he’d make with a friend, but... Are they friends?

Sarah throws Phil’s crumpled napkin at his head, followed by a sarcastic “ha ha”, and he decides that yeah, they’re friends. Phil just manages to dodge the flying paper and toss it back in her direction, both of them laughing in the process.

“What!? She’s capable of actual laughter!?” Phil teases. Maybe the cold, distant attitude isn’t all there is to her after all.

“Oh shut up!” She shrieks in what Phil can now tell is fake offence. She leans forward, dipping her fingers in her water and flicking the water at him, leaving little specks on his glasses.

When the bell to the shop dings, Sarah rolls her eyes. Phil chuckles at how she makes a show of taking her feet off the table. “I’ll be with you in a sec,” she shouts behind her, in the best customer service voice, while also giving Phil a look like she’s going to kill whoever the person is.

Phil glances up, still smiling, to see the customer’s reaction at the lack of service, and finds a familiar figure standing at the entrance.

Dan stands stiff, his jaw rigid and his hands balled into tight fists. He looks angry. _Why is he angry?_

Sarah gets up to head to the counter, the distraction breaking their eye contact.

“Actually,” Dan’s voice is tense and his eyes are on fire. “I forgot my wallet.” It’s clear that he’s furious. But why?

Dan turns exits the shop before either Phil or Sarah can say anything. Through the window, Dan glares at Phil and immediately looks away, his jaw set.

What was that?

“What’s wrong with loverboy?” Sarah questions equally as confused as Phil. Still heading behind the counter, she grabs a cloth and begins wiping the coffee station down. Clearly she’s not _that_ curious.

Still, “Loverboy?” Phil questions, trying to seem indifferent to the notion.

“Oh come on, Phil,” she says as she rolls her eyes. “The guy hasn’t failed to buy you a coffee a single time he’s seen you in here. Besides, I want to puke every time I have to witness you guys making heart eyes at each other.” She shivers, pretending to be disgusted.

“I don’t make heart eyes.” Phil defends himself, beginning to pack up his things. He hadn’t noticed until now, but it’s nearly closing time. Although, Sarah doesn’t seem to mind Phil still being here.

“So is he your soulmate or something?” She asks nonchalantly as she walks toward the door, flipping the open sign to closed.

“What!” Phil exclaims a little too loudly. “Dan? My soulma– psh, no he’s not.” Phil tries to sound casual, but fails miserably. He’s sure it’s obvious he’s lying.

“Right,” Sarah snorts unimpressed, obviously not believing Phil. She rolls her eyes at him and begins counting the money in the till.

She looks up at Phil, whose worry is clearly displayed on his face. Should he tell her not to tell anyone? Would that only confirm what she suspects? Phil chews his nail nervously.

“I won’t tell anyone.” She’s being honest because the usual annoyance she holds herself with is gone. Phil nods and quietly thanks her, and she’s back to her usual self in no time. “I listened to your radio show yesterday, and watched some of your youtube videos,” she states plainly. “Not a huge fan,” She says, frank as always.

“Tell me how you really feel,” Phil jokes, trying not to take it too personally. He had a feeling his stuff might be a little on the cheerful side for her taste.

“I mean they’re good, just not my thing,” she explains further, only solidifying what Phil already suspected. “Now get out of here so I can lock the door.”

Phil quickly packs up the rest of his things. “See you tomorrow!” he shouts behind him, the shop's door closing behind him. During his walk home, Phil tries to decipher why Dan looked so angry when he came into the shop earlier, but the more he thinks about it, the more confused he becomes.

~~~~

“Does your Dad ever let you leave this place?” Phil jokes while Sarah taps Phil’s order into the computer. When he pulls out his card to pay she waves her hand, dismissing him, and immediately begins making his drink.

“Friends don’t pay,” she says like she’s disgusted by her own words, like it physically pains her to be nice. But Phil can see the small smile she’s hiding. “And no, he doesn’t,” she continues, barely glancing up at Phil. “It’s fine, I’m going on holidays next month, so I’m trying to get as many hours in as I can anyways.”

“Where you going?” Phil asks as she hands him his mug.

“On a holiday, I just told you,” she says, annoyed, turning to help the next customer with a smile.

Phil simply chuckles to himself. At this point, he’s learning to take her rather sarcastic demeanor with a grain of salt.

Phil sits back down with his second order of a caramel macchiato today, and continues to work on a script for his Q and A video. As he begins searching through the twitter tag **#askamazingphil** that he’d tweeted earlier, he notices a large chunk of them involve Dan. People are asking what he thought of Dan on the radio show (answer: he’s already in head over heels), or if he’s actually watched any of Dan’s videos (answer: all of them, twice). At the rate his followers are going, he’ll need to answer at least one question about Dan, he just needs the _right_ question.

Phil snorts at a tweet he absolutely knows the answer to.

**@soph_ie: @AmazingPhil On a scale of 1 to 10 how sexy is @danielhowell in real life? #askamazingphil**

Well the answer, Sophie, is _very_.

In his peripheral vision, Phil can see someone pull out the chair across from him at sit down. He’s too concentrated to look up, so Phil simply quips “Do you ever do any actual work here?”

“Well no… considering I don’t work here.”

He’d expected a sarcastic comment in return, not _that_ smooth, familiar voice.

Phil's cheeks go pink when his head snaps up and he sees a gorgeous curly-haired man sitting across from him. “Oh, I uh… sorry. I thought you were, uhm...” Phil fumbles over his own words, trying not to seem like an absolute ass as he hastily pulls his headphones out of his ears.

Dan must be amused at Phil’s flustered state because it looks like he’s trying to hide a cheeky smile. “It’s alright,” Dan finally laughs, making Phil’s chest burst with absolute affection for the man. It’s such a pure and wonderful hearty laugh. How can even this man’s _laugh_ be enough to make Phil’s knees quake?

“Sorry, no coffee this time ” Dan admits sheepishly showing his empty hands, then he gestures to Phils full cup. “Not that you need it.”

“You didn’t have to before,” Phil quickly reassures him, hoping Dan doesn’t think he expects it at this point.

“I know,” Dan says, sounding pleased. “I wanted to.” He smiles slightly and is quiet for a long moment. Phil’s not sure what to say. He doesn’t want to scare the man off again, not now that he finally has Dan so close.

Then, when Phils about to open his mouth to say something undoubtedly stupid, Dan finally says something.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Dan’s stern voice cuts Phil off before he can start. He sits up straight, keeping his serious eyes locked on Phil across the table, as if Phil were to mention _it_ he’d walk straight out the door. The tense air between the two sends a nervous shiver through Phil's spine. He sits up a little straighter and closes his computer in front of him, giving Dan his full attention.

Phil’s heart rate quickens when eyes flicker down to Dan's right sleeve as he pulls on the fabric, Dan stiffens when he notices where Phils eyes have landed, knowing that beneath the fabric Phil's name is permanently inked into his skin.

“Talk about what?” Phil pretends to be oblivious, taking a sip of his coffee and earning a small smirk from Dan. It may have just barely been there, but it still counts as a smile.

Phil forces his eyes to keep away from Dan’s arm, wishing so desperately he could see it, the curve of the letters claiming Dan as his own matching the way Phil is claimed by Dan through the ink on his own wrist. He yearns to see it, having waited so long for the day that his soulmate would be sitting across from him.

Phil clears his throat, forcing himself not to get lost in his thoughts. Dan is here and willingly talking to him. He can’t screw this up.

“What were you working on?” Dan points at Phil’s closed computer, sounding genuinely interested.

“Something for a new video,” Phil sips his coffee again, unsure what to do with his hands. God, it’s like he’s reverted back to his awkward teenage self.

“Oh?” Dan sounds excited at the idea.

“Yeah, I want to do a Q and A style video, but it’s always so boring when it’s just me asking the fans’ questions to myself. I’m trying to figure out how to make it unique.” Phil scratches the side of his head, bringing his thoughts back to the problem solving he’d been trying to do earlier.

“I can’t imagine _you_ struggling to make videos. They’re always so amazing.” A hint of awe sounds in Dan’s comment, and his cheeks immediately flush at his confession. It makes him look young, or at least younger than he already is, which Phil knows since he extensively googled the man.

“Trust me, it’s not always smooth sailing,” Phil confesses, rather defeated. It seems to be very true as of lately. Phil’s creative process has been anything _but_ productive over the last couple weeks. His mind has been elsewhere, to say the least - elsewhere being _Dan Howell,_ of course. It’s been hard to focus on making new videos when he’s constantly wondering what Dan is up to, or if he’ll ever see him again. Not to mention the frustrating fact that Dan hasn’t seemed interested in getting to know Phil whatsoever. Sure, he’d heard of instances when soulmates didn't end up getting along but it was rare, and he never thought it would happen to him. Honestly, the idea terrifies him.

From what Phil has gathered from their few interactions, Phil just _knows_ they’d get along. Which can’t help but make Phil feel a little hopeful. This is going to work out. He knows it. He just doesn’t know _how_.

“Dan,” Phil says his name hesitantly. “Can I ask you something?” He knows he shouldn’t push, but he can’t help it.

Dan’s body stiffens in his chair, and Phil can tell he’s put him on edge.

“You don’t have to answer, I mean you barely know me,” Phil quickly adds. But still, he licks his lips and then lets all of his burning questions tumble out of his mouth. “Why were you so upset when we met? And the other day when you came here?”

There’s a long excruciating pause where Dan only looks at the table, seemingly deep in thought, maybe trying to determine if he wants to answer or not.

The longer the silence lasts, the more Phil feels like he’s made a terrible mistake. His anxiety is getting the best of him, and he tries to make the conversation go away. “Nevermind, it’s not my place to pry,” Phil tries to recover, aiming to sound nonchalant about the whole thing as he shuffles in his seat awkwardly, cursing himself silently.

“But it should be,” Dan mutters, frustrated. Phil’s not sure if he’s angry with Phil or himself; Dan is so quiet that Phil almost doesn’t hear him say anything at all. Dan gets up, tucking his chair into the table. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And just like that, Dan Howell is once again gone, leaving his words to echo in Phil's ear.

_I’ll see you tomorrow._

At least tonight Phil won't have to wonder if Dan will walk through the front doors. Now he knows.

And tomorrow, he’ll be waiting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhhh heck, it's been a hot minute since I posted. I'm sorry for the wait guys but chapter 4 is finally here! 
> 
> As per usual I have to thank [imnotinclinedtomaturity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotinclinedtomaturity/pseuds/imnotinclinedtomaturity) for being an amazing beta. She’s kindaaaaaa fantastic, so check her stuff out. (if you haven’t been reading love yourself.... what are you doing with your life)

Like an absolute creep – probably bordering on stalkerish – Dan stands outside the coffee shop hiding just to the side of the window. When he peeks his head around, he can see Phil sat at his usual spot through the smudged glass window and his heart begins pounding.

Beside his computer, Phil has his notebook open in front of him. He leans forward to scribble something onto the paper, making his glasses fall to the bridge of his nose. He pushes them back into place, and then runs his hands through his quiff, forcing it slightly askew. He’s concentrating so hard on his work that lines on his forehead have started indent his skin.

He looks _so_ serious.

Dan imagines Phil looking at him like _that_ , over his glasses with the stern look he has right now. Perhaps Phil’s blue eyes would darken to something deeper, the thought only makes Dan mind wander

Dan pictures them alone in his flat with a finished bottle of wine, which was shared between the two of them, abandoned on the coffee table. Dan would bite his lip, the liquid courage making things easier; he’d lean forward on the couch inching closer to Phil, feeling Phil’s breath light on his skin because they’re so close. Dan’s hands find their way onto the denim material covering Phil’s thigh, they slide up as their lips touch and–

Someone sneezes as they walk past Dan, yanking him out of his daydream.

Swallowing down his desire, Dan tries to focus on Phil and actually muster up the courage to talk to the man. But Dan falters when he sees Phil open his phone and snap a picture of his coffee cup. Dan watches him review the photo then move the cup slightly to take another photo. This time he seems pleased; the corner of his mouth turns up slightly as he tilts his head to the side. His fingers tap away at the screen and Dan’s chest flutters.

How can Phil go from making Dan want to rip his clothes off, to an adorable dork that he wants to hug, in just seconds?

It’s _completely_ unfair.

Dan’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and unlocks it to see that Phil Lester has posted to his Instagram story. Dan chuckles to himself, knowing the process that lead to the notification, and how adorable Phil is. Dan taps on the circle, opening the story to reveal a picture of Phil’s coffee with multiple flashy stickers surrounding it. At the bottom, the image reads ‘Wow! Sarah, the magical barista put Pikachu in my cup!’. And of course, there is an adorable Pikachu made in the froth of Phil’s caramel macchiato, which dan can only assume is what Phil is drinking.

Dan squeezes his phone a little too tight. An ugly surge of jealousy knots in his stomach, same as the day he walked in on Phil and the barista – who Dan now knows is Sarah – giggling together. He’s not sure what came over him that day, he’d been working so hard on feeling indifferent to the whole _Phil and soulmates situation_. But when he saw them together, Dan snapped. He wasn’t sure if they’d been flirting or not, but even the idea makes Dan nauseous.

Groaning, Dan leans away from the window, resting against the side of the building. He shouldn’t care.

But he _does_.

Of course Dan had to complicate things further when he actually sat down with Phil the last time he saw him. Sure, it wasn’t as terribly awkward as Dan imagined, but he almost wished it had been. Then maybe he’d be able to say with confidence that the universe got it wrong, and that they’re completely opposite people and _nothing_ alike.

Except, that they have _everything_ in common — Dan knows from just watching Phil's videos over the years that they’re perfect for each other. Hell, Dan doesn’t remember a time when he didn’t think they’d get on well if they knew each other in real life.

Still, the things Phil shares on his channel are all superficial. Dan has yet to spend any actual time with Phil. He only knows the Phil that he portrays through his social media, Dan doesn’t know the hidden version of Phil. Maybe that’s where they’ll clash. Aside from their small conversation yesterday, Phil only knows the persona Dan has assumed through his own youtube channel. Yesterday Dan was being himself, but the situation was still tense. Maybe once Phil gets to know who Dan really is, he won’t be so eager when Dan walks through the door.

There’s movement at Phil’s table, grabbing Dan’s attention. That _Sarah_ girl is leaning against the back of the chair across from Phil. She says something to make Phil laugh, and Dan quickly reminded of how much this girl gets under his skin.

Dan imagines the annoyingly pretty girl sitting down, and Phil looking at _her_ over his glasses in in that dreamy way. It’s enough to agitate Dan further.

Dan’s fists tighten at his sides and, without thinking, he marches straight to the shop’s front door and yanks it open. _He_ wants to be the one making Phil laugh, not some girl who probably just wants his attention because he’s famous.

Determined not to look like blubbering idiot, Dan walks directly toward Phil, probably coming across more aggressive than confident. Phil spots Dan immediately and seems to say something to Sarah. She looks over her shoulder and Dan can see recognition dawn in her eyes before she quickly bolts away from Phil’s table.

He really does _try_ to not glare at her, but... sometimes his jealousy gets the best of him.

When Dan makes it to Phil’s table, he realizes how stupid he is. He’s enough of an idiot to walk into the building without a plan. Dan opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. What is he supposed to say? Why didn’t he think this through?

It doesn’t help with the way that Phil’s looking at him; his eyes are an intense shade of blue. They’re nothing like Dan’s ever seen before, so sharp and daunting as he stares as Dan with his jaw slightly agape. Dan shutters slightly remembering his daydream from earlier — having him acting look at him like that sends a spark though Dan’s chest.

Feeling suddenly _very_ aware of his entire body, Dan focuses hard on not doing something completely embarrassing. He points to the chair, silently asking to sit. That was a completely natural and reasonable thing to do, right?

“Uh- oh yeah! Sit please!” Phil almost shouts, eagerly moving his things aside, making room. Phil keenly smiles at Dan as his cheeks turn a light shade of red – he watches intently as Dan moves to sit. And Dan is thankful for the seat, because being around a slightly flustered Phil is enough to make Dan weak in the knees. Dan tries to relax but fails miserably – He can’t help the way he holds his shoulders stiff as fidgets with the ripped material of his black jeans. 

“You seem-” Dan’s voice cracks slightly. He licks his lips, trying desperately not to feel flustered. He can’t help it, though. Phil Lester is sitting across from him; how could he not be internally freaking out? Dan always imagined what conversations with Phil would be like, he practically rehearsed them daily, but now Dan’s head is a jumbled mess.

Dan clears his throat. “You seem busy.” He doesn’t sound any more confident as he croaks, his words sounding like he desperately needs a glass of water.

“I’m working on my next video,” Phil explains looking at his notebook. “Still haven’t quite figured it out yet,” he mumbles, scratching his head. Dan’s follows the movement, and his heart melts. From a distance, Phil had looked absolutely breathtaking, and up close — well, that’s something Dan doesn’t even know where to start and explain.

Dan never thought someone's skin could look so soft. He wants to reach out and trail the pads of his fingers over Phil’s cheeks. Dan wants to feel every inch of Phil with his fingers, over the bridge of his nose, his smile lines, his lips. God his _lips_. They look so smooth – would they feel that way against Dan’s own cracked and stress bitten ones? Would their kiss be as warm and soothing as Dan feels when Phil simply smiles at him?

Phil clears his throat and Dan realizes he’s been staring.

Great, forget trying to seem confident, he’s just gone straight to creepy. 

“Is it the same from yesterday, the Q and A? Any new ideas for it?” Dan asks genuinely interested. His voice is shaky, and he tries not to let his cheeks become too flushed with embarrassment. His attempts are pointless, of course. Dan feels his cheeks warm as they turn to a rosy colour.

As much as Dan would love to marvel at how gorgeous Phil is, he needs something else to focus on because, unfortunately staring endlessly at Phil, being memorised by his smile, face, hair, and entire existence isn’t the socially acceptable thing to do. Besides, Dan is still a massive fan of Phil’s channel, getting the inside scoop of his next video is still a welcome distraction from the daydreaming about the gorgeous man. Though it’s far less scandalous, it’s still satisfying to hear about.

“A few,” Phil says, not sounding too confident in them.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but maybe you could bounce some ideas off me? Sometimes it helps to have another person's opinion,” Dan offers. He knows what it’s like to share an idea that’s not completely ready, and he hates it. But Dan also knows what it’s like to feel trapped in your head about something — a fresh pair of eyes really does help.

Phil takes a moment to look at his notebook – which he holds close out of Dan’s sight – then at Dan. He eyes Dan with a smirk on his lips. “How do I know you won’t go steal my ideas?”

He’s clearly joking but Dan can understand where Phil’s coming from. It’s not a serious question, but at the same time, it is. It’s hard to trust people in the youtube industry these days.

“My lips are sealed” Dan winks, “and I’ll tell you the plans for my next video in return.” He wants to retract the arrangement he as soon as he offers it, but it’s too late. When he’s with Phil, he completely loses his natural filter and any sense of self-control along with it. It’s maddening, really.

 

Phil eyes him for a moment.“Deal,” he agrees with a nod, looking very pleased with the bargain.

Dan watches him glance down at his still hidden notebook, like he’s still contemplating the offer, then smiles to himself before sharing all the details. “It’s a Q and A video, like I told you yesterday…” He thinks for a moment, concentrating on his notes, then back to Dan with a little more confidence. “But I was thinking about doing it with another person there, like another youtuber asks me the questions, or maybe a friend?” He explains, the concentration still very clear. He takes a sip of his coffee, brows furrowed like he’s still thinking, so Dan waits until he continues, not wanting to interrupt Phils thought process.

Phil bites his lip, hesitating before he continues. “I just don’t want it to be boring, it needs something else, but I just don’t know _what_.” Phil sighs, beginning to sounds a little discouraged. “Everything I come up with is ridiculous and stupid.” He frowns, leaning back in his chair.

Dan tilts his head to the side smiling slightly as he fully registers what Phil is saying, and it all makes his heart fill to the point that his chest – as cheesy as it is – might explode. Dan could tell from watching Phil in his videos that he’s passionate about what he does, but seeing it in action, seeing him so worked up about what it loves… It’s enough make even Dan feel inspired. The man is just so genuine in what he does, maybe the whole youtube world isn’t as shallow as Dan constantly assumes it is?

Dan swallows and finally responds. “That doesn’t sound stupid to me. It sounds like you really care about your work. That in and of itself is enough to make a video interesting to watch,” Dan assures Phil. _Where the hell is this positivity coming from?_ “The fact that you’re putting this much energy into it means its bound to be good. Besides I think it’s a cool idea to have another person involved in the video.” Seriously, when did Dan become this sparking ray of sunshine? Dan care barely muster the mindset to get out of bed in the morning? What is Phil doing to him?

The weird part is, Dan _actually_ means every word he’s saying.

“I don’t know, I just feel like like the whole Q and A thing is so overdone, don’t you think?” Phil asks defeatedly, tapping his pencil on the table.

“It sounds like you’re overthinking it. Isn’t that supposed to be my thing? Are you coming for my brand?” Dan jokes, chuckling at the way Phil rolls his eyes in response.

“Speaking of your _brand_ ,” Phil teases, “I believe you owe me a sneak peek into Daniel Howell’s next video.” Phil looks him directly in the eye and Dan shivers at the use of his full name. It’s hot, and it sounds really fucking good in Phil’s voice. He has to take a moment not to jump Phil then and there. Christ, his younger self might have.

Phil looks at him with a questioning smirk, like he can read Dan’s very terribly concealed reaction to his words. Dan can feel his skin flush hot, and he jumps slightly when someone comes up to their table. It’s that damn girl who seems to think 2009 emo is still a thing. Dan clenches his jaw, forcing himself not to make a sarcastic comment.

“Can I get you anything?” She asks flatly, staring at Dan. In her hands, she holds what looks like a torn scrap piece of paper and pen.

“I didn’t know this place did table service,” Phil asks through his teeth, sounding annoyed as he looks at her in a way that doesn't scream friendly.

It’s terrible, but it does makes Dan feel slightly better. Seeing Phil unimpressed with her is better than seeing them flirt.

“We do now,” she snaps, turning to Dan. “What do you want?” she says sounding annoyed.

Dan furrows his brows, his gaze flitting back and forth between Sarah and Phil. Is she purposefully trying to interrupt them? Is _she_ jealous? The thought pleases Dan. If she’s jealous, that means there’s something between him and Phil to be _jealous of._ On second thought, is Dan happy about that? Because that sounds awfully terrifying and real.

“I don’t want anything.” Dan remarks sassily and considers adding ‘from you’ to the sentence, but decides that might be a little too much sass. So instead he glares at her, willing her to walk away in his mind.

“Right,” she scoffs, eyeing Dan like she doesn’t believe him. For a second, she hovers before she spins on her heel back to the cashier where she barks an order at one of her co-workers.

Looks like Dan’s will power worked for once.

“You get used to her,” Phil reassures Dan. “She can be nice, I swear. Look at this!” Phil shows Dan the half sunken in, frothy Pikachu — the latte art that Dan already saw online, because he has a problem when it comes to stalking Phils social media.

“Yeah, I saw that on your Instagram when I was standing outsi- when I was walking here.” Dan hasty corrects himself, almost blowing his cover that he’s not a complete freak who avidly checks Phils instagram, and stands outside coffee shops for an embarrassing amount of time before actually go in to see him. Thankfully, Phil doesn’t seem to catch on.

“Isn’t it adorable?” Phil smiles, staring at the cup. Dan absolutely melts at the man’s fondness for something as simple as themed latte art. 

“It is, though probably a bit weird when you started sipping away Pikachu's face,” Dan laughs slightly when Phil tilts his head to the side, realizing the damage he’s done to poor Pikachu. 

Phil looks at the cup then back at Dan, “I didn’t think about that.” He chuckles, then playfully grimaces when he puts the cup down.

“You’ve crippled him for life Phil.” Dean teases through a grin. “He’ll never be the same.” Dan adds, theatrically putting his hand on his heart and looks off into the distance.

Phil looks half traumatized, and half like he’s trying not to laugh as he turns the deformed Pikachu away from him. “I can’t look him in the face, not anymore,” Phil says dramatically.

“Yeah. Because he doesn’t have one,” Dan giggles and Phil can’t hold back his laugh either. How is joking around with Phil so damn easy? Usually it takes Dan _weeks_ to warm up to a person like he has to Phil.

Phil pretends to look shocked while giggling a little. “Don’t make it worse! I feel guilty enough as it is.” Phil jokingly pleads, unable to hide his smile as he leans his notebook on the cup blocking it from his view.

Dan’s eye catches a few words on the notebook, two of them jumping out and Dan immediately begins to sweat with anxiety.

_Daniel Howell._

Is that Dan’s name? Why the hell is his name there? Dan’s mind desperately tries to imagine what purpose Phil could possibly have for his name being there. And worse, the sentences around Dan’s name aren’t helpful in any way and are basically a blur in Dan’s panic, so they don’t give him any clues. Is Phil planning on talking about Dan in his next video? Does he plan on telling his followers he’s found his soulmate?

That he’s found _Dan_?

Dan skin feels hot and his chest begins to prickle in a very unpleasant way. Is it him, or did this coffee shop used to be bigger before? The walls certainly seem a lot closer than he remembers.

Dan’s not ready for any of this. He’s not ready for the world to know. Feeling sick, he tries to read more of the notebook, looking for any details of what Phil has planned.

Phil quickly pulls back the notebook when he notices where Dan’s eyes have landed. His gaze snaps up to Dan’s, almost looking as panicked as Dan feels.

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Phil quickly blurts out. “It’s just, I got a lot of questions about you!” His words are quick, like he’s trying to explain before Dan runs. “I thought it would be weird if I didn’t answer one. Considering about 80% of them were about you.” he says panicked, clearly trying to explain himself. “Our radio show really got people excited!” Phil turns his notebook toward Dan and places it on the table in front of him. He points to one of the sentences near Dan’s name.

**What was it like having Dan on your radio show?!?!?! - @phillysgirl**

It helps a little when Dan reads more, and all the questions Phil chose about him are relatively surface level. When he reaches the bottom though, Dan’s cheeks flush. This ones a little cheeky.

**Dan is one sexy man in his videos, does the same go for real life? - @Jessicab**

“I think the appropriate answer for the last question is yes.” Dan nervously laughs, feeling his body become a little less tense.

Phil’s eyes widen (he must have forgot about that last one) and he grabs his notebook back, closing it so the green cover faces up. “Agreed.” He laughs half heartedly.

Dan can tell Phil’s trying not to scare him. And don’t get Dan wrong, he wants nothing more than to run. To go back to his flat and pretend like the entire last month didn’t happen. But he can’t. He needs to know _for sure_ that Phil won’t tell anyone. He needs to be able to trust that Phil won’t tell. But can Dan do that?

Once again, Dan is riddled with the knowledge that, as much as it feels like it, Dan doesn’t _really_ know who Phil is. He’s a complete stranger. He could just be another youtuber out for the fame and nothing else – having Dan as his soulmate would only skyrocket his youtube channel further. People love drama, especially when romance and soulmates are involved.

Dan bites his lip so hard he tastes a hint of blood. “I want to believe that you won’t tell anyone, but how? I’ve watched your videos, I know the person you show to the world. But I don’t know _you_.” Dan’s tries to keep his voice even and professional, and he almost does until it wavers at the end.

Phils eyes soften at Dan’s honesty; he seems a shocked at how open Dan is being. Phil leans forward, as if to show Dan that he has his full attention. “Well I can’t say the person I show online is completely who I am, but give me a chance to show you that you can trust me.” Phil is gentle, he’s trying desperately not to scare Dan. “I promise this isn’t all a joke to me.” he continues seriously, looking Dan directly in the eyes. “Besides, I haven’t told anyone yet have I? And it’s been over a month since we…” Phil trails off, reflecting on the memory of their meeting. “Though, it probably would have made an interesting tweet.” Phil laughs awkwardly. “Just met my soulmate, he ran away from me.” Phil mocks Dan playfully.

“I didn’t– I didn’t _run_ , I haven’t _run_ in years,” Dan defends himself, trying not to crack a small smile.

“You ran,” Phil says matter of factly.

Yes, he definitely ran. Like a frightened child.

They sit in silence for a moment, just long enough for Dan to try and digest what is happening. How can they go from something serious to joking around so easily?

“You like Mario Kart?” Phil pipes up, raising a brow.

“Only a crazy person would say no,” Dan scoffs dramatically.

“Want to come to mine and play a few rounds?” Phil asks, sounding like he’s trying not to be _too_ hopeful.

Dan sighs and looks at Phil, studying the man intensely. He wants to go, but it feels like saying yes will open the floodgates to something Dan isn’t ready for. If he says yes to this, Phil might be encouraged to invite Dan over more often. Or invite Dan _out_ , even.

Is that a bad thing?

“How else are you supposed to learn to trust me, if you don’t take the chance to get to know me?” Phil needles, still managing to not come off _too_ forward. But maybe forward is exactly the push Dan needs.

“I not sure…” Dan’s about to say no, but the disappointed frown Phil is already showing is too much for Dan to bare. Dan swallows thickly, and closes his eyes for a fraction of a second before looking back at Phil. “Alright, a couple rounds won’t hurt,” Dan reluctantly agrees, and when Phil’s eyes flare with excitement, Dan knows it’s worth the anxiety.

“Great! My flat’s about a fifteen-ish minute walk.” Phil quickly begins to pack up his things, as if not wanting to give Dan the chance to back out.

Dan didn’t bring much with his aside from his phone, so he stands up and waits for Phil to put everything in his backpack. Dan watches tentatively, savouring the small moment. It’s strange seeing someone usually seen on the other side of a computer screen in real life. Dan’s so used to seeing Phil from a certain angle – he watches Phil bring his plate and half full cup to the counter, and it feels _strange_. It’s a good strange, though. Dan gets to see an unscripted part of him that few others get to see.

Who knew Dan could be so mesmerized by the back of someone’s head?

Dan watches him make a comment to Sarah which actually makes her laugh, something Dan has yet to see her do since he walked into the shop — and any other encounter he’s had with her, really.

Phil turns toward Dan and starts in his direction, “Ready?” he asks, holding the door open for Dan.

As they first begin their walk, it’s silent, but not the type of silence where Dan desperately tries to find a subject or make a sarcastic comment to fill the silence. But a silence that feels comfortable, natural even. They walk side by side, but now that Dan’s made himself aware of the silence, he can’t help but say something to break it.

“So…” Dan trials off realizing he didn’t actually come up with anything to say. “Why amazingphil?” Dan asks, quickly trying to recover. He looks curiously a Phil, pretty sure he knows the answer but still wonders – was he simply trying to be funny, or is he actually _that_ clever?

“Well, I could tell you,” Phil smirks cheekily. “But then all my mystery and charm would be gone,” he teases, sneaking a glance at Dan from the corner of his eye. He looks absolutely marvelous, and Dan nearly forgets how to breathe. The red stoplight from across the street elicits a red hue against Phil’s skin, and bounces off the darkness of his hair, creating a red glow behind him.

“Well, that’s impossible.” Dan breaths, slightly caught up in how stunning Phil is. Dan clears his throat, pretending he wasn’t staring.

“Why the change from danisnotonfire, to Daniel Howell?” Phil asks. Though if he’s seen Dan’s videos, he knows exactly why - Dan had explained it when he made the change. Maybe Phil was lying about seeing his video. Phil continues on before Dan has the chance to be disappointed, though. “I mean I know _why_ , but I want to know why exactly?” Phil answers Dan’s question. “Like, what lead to the change?”

Dan ponders the question for a moment. “It was time,” Dan says finally. “Danisnotonfire represents a different me. It was someone who was afraid to be themselves, but Daniel Howell on the other hand, he’s working on living his truth.” Dan says with more confidence than he expects. Sure he’s said these things to a camera before, but never to a human person (that’s not his therapist), that always seemed way to terrifying. He’s not sure why he’s being so honest with Phil. He can barely talk to Anne about this stuff, but here he is, telling someone who is practically a stranger. 

“Does Daniel Howell always talk about himself in the third person?” Phil chuckles, smiling fondly.

“Only when he’s trying to dissociate himself from the serious and heavy shit in life,” Dan jokes, looking at his feet as his cheeks colour with a blush.

“That seems healthy.” Phil bumps Dan with his shoulder. “This is me.” He points to a building that is significantly nicer than Dan’s. Brick lines the exterior, leading up to at least five floors. Phil opens the glass door, leading to the entranceway. Dan takes note of the white marble walls as they make their way to the elevator, they’d be perfect for his Instagram aesthetic. Which Dan knows is a terrible thing to come to mind immediately, but hey social media is literally his career. He can’t help it.

“Fancy,” Dan remarks sarcastically, feeling a little intimidated. Dan knows Phil isn’t hurting financially, between the popularity of his youtube channel and the radio show. Still, Dan can’t help feeling a tad inadequate. Does this sort of stuff matter to Phil?

“Trust me, it’s not that fancy, wait until you actually see my flat. It’s definitely due for some repairs.” Phil assures Dan, pressing the button to floor five.

They step out into a narrow hall and stop at the first door on the left. Dan watches Phil open the door but doesn’t follow him inside. Instead, he stands outside, hesitantly rocking from foot to foot. Facing the entrance of Phil’s flat feels symbolic for some reason. Coming to Phil’s place, laughing with him, talking to him, and not wanting the day to end. It’s surreal. 

Dan had literally spent a good chunk if his late teens – hell, his adulthood – dreaming of this exact scenario. And now, it’s really happening.

How the _fuck_ did Dan get here?

He’s torn between excitement and resentment. Dan knows their banter and teasing is all fabricated, but a small part of him wishes it wasn’t. Dan may have daydreamed about being Phil’s soulmate, but he never actually _wanted_ it to happen. If Dan had gotten to know Phil without the soulmate bullshit, he hoped it would have been because Phil is actually interested in Dan and his work, not out of obligation.

Dan is standing outside the home of the man of his dreams for all the wrong reasons. He’s only here because the universe is telling Phil this is how it’s supposed to be. But Dan hasn’t been brainwashed to believe it like Phil.

Dan knows the truth - that soulmates are bullshit. And it leaves a small aching hole in his heart. 

How is Dan supposed to know Phil _actually_ wants him here? Did Phil only suggest he come over because they’re soulmates? Does Phil really like having Dan around, or does he like the idea of him? The idea of being a part of an elite group of those who’ve found the person they’re supposed to spend the rest of their life with.

“You coming inside?” Phil awkwardly chuckles, looking at Dan curiously.

“Yea, sorry,” Dan mumbles, hesitant as he steps through the doorway. He’s holding his breath as if waiting for something bad to happen, and when it doesn’t, he exhales.

Maybe staying for an hour or so wouldn’t hurt? 

Dan shuts the door behind him and when he does, he hears a thump come from somewhere in the flat.

“Always so graceful she is,” Phil sighs and turns toward the end of the hall. “Do you want a drink?” Phil offers with a shy smile, gesturing for Dan to follow him. “Or tea?” He asks over his shoulder.

“A drink is perfect,” Dan says a little too eagerly, and follows Phil down the narrow hallway deeper into Phil’s flat. The small hallway is relatively bare, aside from a plant, which has probably seen better days, placed near the door of Phil’s kitchen. A sense of satisfaction comes to Dan knowing that the silly part of Phil he portrays about his inability to keep houseplants alive is true. Dan chuckles to himself. He knows it’s common knowledge to Phil’s followers, but seeing it in person makes Dan feel special somehow. 

Phil follows Dan’s eye to the poor plant. “I kept it alive for quite a while!” he defends himself while holding back a smile, clearly pretending to be serious. They walk into the kitchen, which is definitely bigger than Dan’s, not to mention a lot more colourful, and Dan sees a row of small cacti along the backside of the counter. Of the five that live - or, well, _sit_ \- there, only one still resembles something close to the colour green.

“Jesus Phil,” Dan laughs, “You don’t even have to water a cactus that much, and you’ve still managed to kill more than half of them,” he teases, pointing to the unfortunate casualties. “You really weren’t joking?” Dan turns to Phil notices his slightly blushed cheeks.

“It’s not my fault! They just die! It’s like I’m cursed!” Phil exclaims in defence as he grabs two wine glasses from one of his cupboards.

From around the corner, little patters of feet come bolting through the flat. Dan looks to Phil, who doesn’t seem at all alarmed by the noise, and then back toward the opening to the far side of the kitchen. A small but absolutely adorable corgi comes zooming around the corner, with such speed it almost runs right into the wall.

Phil has a dog?

“You have a dog?” Dan asks dumbfounded. Phil has _never_ mentioned anything about a dog on his channel. Why has he never mentioned it? Dan’s stomach knots, there’s so much he doesn’t know about Phil.

“Yes! Dan meet Nala, Nala meet Dan.” Phil smiles down at the dog, as if hiding the fact that he has a dog - something that would probably get him loads of views, honestly - from his fans is a completely normal thing to do. 

“And why does no one know about this precious doggo?” Dan asks genuinely shocked. But of course, Dan’s confusion doesn’t stop him from leaning down and petting the precious thing, she wags her tail, looking up at Dan and seeming satisfied by Dan’s pets.

“I really haven’t had her that long, only about six months. I plan on introducing her to my viewers, just haven’t gotten around to it yet,” Phil explains, shrugging slightly. “Every time I think about it, I just get too distracted by how adorable she is and we end up playing or napping.” Phil continues pouring white wine into their glasses. After, he hands Dan a bag of treats from one of the drawers.

“Well, that is absolutely valid.” Dan smiles down at the dog, sitting on the floor as he uses his baby voice to address her. “You are so cute Nala, yes you are.” He feeds her a treat, and then two, and then two more. “Okay, I better stop before you eat them all.” Dan stands up, his heartbreaking at the disappointed look Nala gives him as she starts to wine.

Unable to help the smile on his face Dan looks to Phil, who is staring at Dan in a way that makes Dan’s chest flutter. Phil looks absolutely mesmerized as he fondly smiles at the two of them. Dan clears his throat, making Phil go a very dark shade of red.

Phil rolls his eyes, pretending what just happened, didn’t happen. “She’s so dramatic, I swear,” Phil says, sounding a bit fond still. He then looks at the dog matter of factly, “Nala, you already had dinner today stop complaining.” He’s stern yet playful. “Everything is set up in the lounge.” Phil hands Dan his wine and gestures for him to follow him through the doorway where Nala had come bolting from. 

There’s a TV set up at the opposite end of the room, placed above a fireplace.

What Dan wouldn’t give to have a fireplace.

They make their way to the couch, and Dan sits down on the completely opposite side of the sofa to Phil. Nala quickly follows suit, jumping up between them on the couch, thankfully making the space between them a little less obvious. Feeling nervous about being in Phils space, Dan takes a couple generous gulps of wine, then places his glass on the coffee table beside Phil’s. 

“Alright, get ready for defeat.” Phil taunts, powering up the game. 

“Someone's confident. Enjoy it while you can, it won’t last long.” Dan bants back, taking the controller Phil hands him. Dan quickly checks his phone when he feels it vibrate in his pocket. Anne is texting him, but she can wait. He puts the phone on the table, focusing back to the game. They speed through selecting their players and carts, clearly each having a standard go-to, and dive right into the game.

Dan wins. And wins and wins and wins. And then Phil _almost_ wins, but Dan wins again. Every time they end a round, Phil somehow convinces Dan to start another, claiming he’s just warming up.

“Oh sure, you just don’t know when to quit,” Dan teases starting the race again, which of course _he wins_.

“HA!” Dan shouts, probably far too loud for how late it is – hopefully Phil’s walls aren’t too thin. Nala makes her annoyance clear as she jumps off the couch and moves to the dog bed beside the television.

“See, told you,” Dan continues, his volume a little more under control. “I am the Mario Kart champion, no one can beat me.” He smirks, putting his controller down on the coffee table and turning on the couch to face Phil. He’s looking at Dan with the fondest smile, strange for someone who just lost nine times in a row. 

“Look it’s not over yet. I could still have a few tricks up my sleeves.” Phil confidently crosses his arms over his chest eyeing Dan.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” Dan teases sarcastically, all while holding back a giggle, and instead rolling his eyes playfully.

“We’ll just have to rematch another day, after I’ve had time to perfect my skills.” Phil tries to defend himself.

Remembering his wine, Dan leans forward to grab it, the cuff his sleeve riding up in the process of reaching for the glass. Dan freezes midway to the table, and he hears Phil’s breath hitch. Dan looks overs and sees that Phil’s eyes are boring into him. Following Phil’s intense stare, Dan shifts his gaze to his wrist - his _nearly_ _exposed_ \- wrist, and is starkly reminded of the name written there. 

Dan puts the glass back on the table and nervously pulls his sleeves down. It takes him a moment to meet Phil’s gaze. Dan had almost forgotten, he’d almost let himself pretend the situation, their _friendship_ , or whatever it is, isn’t completely _fucked._

Phil swallows, and Dan watches his adam's apple bob. He clears his throat. “Can I…” Phil trails off quietly, his hand on the couch inching towards Dan.

Dan can practically see the internal battle Phil is having with himself.

“Can I see it?” Phil gently asks, putting his own controller down to turn and face Dan more directly.

Dan’s mouth goes dry.

The way Phil’s looking at him pumps Dan full with anxiety. The desperation is clear, Phil wants things from Dan than Dan isn’t sure he can give. But still, this is something Dan can give him. It couldn’t hurt, right?

Dan pulls up his sleeve slightly, exposing his pale flesh where Phil’s name is permanently tattooed into his skin. 

Phil sucks in when he sees it. He reaches out but pulls his hand back immediately. Dan watches Phil intently. He watches the way Phil flexes his jaw, and holds his fist tight, forcing himself to keep his hands steady.

“It’s okay,” Dan says quietly, moving his wrist closer to Phil, silently telling him he can touch.

 Phil looks at him surprised. “You sure?” He asks softly, genuinely seeming to want Dan’s permission.

“Ye- Yeah.” Dan stutters, holding his breath.

Phil reaches out, but doesn’t touch the raised skin with black letters first. Instead, he gently wraps his hand around Dan’s wrist and lightly pulls it closer to his own body. Dan shivers, savouring the feeling of Phil’s skin on his.

Dan shuffles closer so he doesn’t have to awkwardly lean across the space between them. His knee rests in front of him on the couch and tingles where it touches Phil’s thigh, even through the fabric of their jeans.

Dan feels restless as he watches Phil inspect the tattoo. Turning his head to the side curiously, Phil thumbs his finger over the name on Dan’s skin. A rush of desire floods Dan’s body and he finds himself leaning forward, his breath coming out heavy, matching Phil’s.

“It’s strange,” Phil breathes, furrowing his brow in concentration as he inspects the letters. 

“Hmm?” Dan clears his throat, lost in the moment. The sound of his own voice snaps him out of it and he quickly retracts his hand from Phil’s. Immediately, he misses the warmth of Phil’s palm. “Sorry,” Dan apologizes for no particular reason and quickly stands up. “I should go.” Dan quickly mumbles, looking at the clock hanging on the wall.

How the hell is it already one in the morning.

“Oh, uh…” Phil begins, clearing his throat, he’s about to say more but Dan is already out of sight, heading straight for the door. Dan winces when he slams it shut behind him, not expecting the loud bang when it hits the frame. But, it doesn’t stop Dan from taking the stairs down two at a time to the lobby, too impatient to wait for the elevator. Too afraid that Phil would chase after him, Dan’s pace quickens at the thought.

Dan doesn’t stop walking until he makes it back to his flat, a walk that should have taken twenty minutes, he does in only seven. Probably the most vigorous physical activity Dan has done in months.

When he finally unlocks his door after three tries, Dan goes straight for the couch and flops onto the cushions, face first in his favourite fluffy pillow.

Things got way too personal.

He’s such an idiot. How did he let the night get that far? Everything had been fine, fun even, until Phil had to go and make things serious.

Dan reaches for his pocket needing a distraction, but when he pats down his clothing he notices something vital missing.

Fuck.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Dan curses himself. He scrunches his eyes closed and looks up at the ceiling in defeat and lets out a long sigh.

He left his phone at Phil’s place.


End file.
